Barney Miller Episode Rating Graph

Vagrant Ray returns to report his fellow bums' disappearances; a woman wishes to have a child with a surrogate and is focusing in on Dietrich and Wojo.

A neighborhood vigilante group runs amok, and Fish is AWOL on the day of his retirement.

Barney is down in the dumps when he is passed over again for deputy inspector

Wojo brings hashish-laced brownies his new girlfriend made to the 12th Precinct, getting the detective squad stoned; while an actor and critic (""natural enemies"" says Harris) square off with dueling swords.

The cast step out of character to offer a tribute to Jack Soo, who died during the show's fifth season.

A quixotic environmentalist faces the high-priced lawyer hired by the chemical plant he's been assaulting.

Off goes the moustache, as it's Harris' turn for cross-dressing mugging detail; the host of a kids' science show goes off the deep end; Barney's men reopen a twenty-eight year old missing persons case.

Marty is picked up for parole violation with a half ounce of marijuana; Wojo prematurely grants a Russian defector asylum.

A judge provides an attorney with the ultimate over-ruling—a gavel on the noggin; the crimes reported by a lonely woman emanate from daytime television soap operas.

Wojo fears that a despondent Luger is planning to do himself in; a man seeking to reclaim his television set robs the police vault; a rash of bizarre robberies leads to an eccentric gun collector.

A paranoid spy holds the precinct house at bay; the men bring in a disorderly mime.

The detectives clean up after three mental patients sit down to Thanksgiving dinner at an automat.

Barney and Inspector Luger man the fort alone when the detectives go out on strike.

An evicted tenant greets a landlord with a musket; Barney's charged with harassment when he books a blind shoplifter.

Barney puts his career on the line by refusing to forcibly evict the tenants of a condemned hotel, while Lugar tries to figure out what to do with his vacation time.

Fish finally shows up for work, but refuses to acknowledge his mandatory retirement.

A latter-day prophet claims the end is near - 5:30, to be precise; a man who hasn't left his apartment since World War II is brought in for refusing to serve jury duty. John Cassisi appears as Victor Kreutzer, a role he would continue to play on ""Fish.""

A self-proclaimed time traveler tells Harris to fine tune his stock portfolio; Marty's divrorced gentleman friend Mr. Driscoll attempts to reclaim his son by abducting him from the playground.

A taxi company is irate when Wojo totals a borrowed cab while pursuing a robbery suspect; Lieutenant Scanlon tries to ferret out 12th Precinct corruption with a drug pusher.

A self-avowed ""bird-man"" drops in; Barney holds a resourceful escaped prisoner for the FBI; Harris decides to write a novel, setting up one of the series' most durable storylines.

The detectives are unimpressed with a man who claims he's being visited by a poltergeist - that is, until they lock the man up and strange events begin occurring about the squad room.

Fish considers an operation; a burglar known as ""The Mole"" leads Harris and Wojo on a merry chase through the city sewer system. Ron Carey plays the Mole, and returns as Levitt in the next season.

An accused mugger claims that he was answering a psychic vision; a language professor takes vandalistic umbrage to a grammatically incorrect billboard.

A man liquidates all of his assets into gold, much to his wife's dismay; Wojo claims he saw a UFO over Staten Island.

The hotel situation now involves a SWAT team, while Dietrich learns the identity of his amnesic ""girlfriend.""

Harris' book publication hits a snag when Dietrich refuses to sign a release; a suicide hot line operator becomes suicidal; the clerk that sold Wojo a sick bird changes his strict no-return policy when he learns that the detective is a cop.

A stockbroker leaves Wall Street to become a beggar; a rookie cop, assuming Harris to be a felon, shoots at him.

Wojo wants to tell Yemana that his Christmas Eve date is a call girl; Fish dons a red suit to catch a mugger who's targeting Kris Kringles; Luger fishes for an invitation from Barney for Christmas Day.

The cops observe the annual department-mandated ritual of wearing their uniforms - except for Harris who shows up in his usual natty street clothes.

Lieutenant Scanlon returns, this time attempting to ferret out corruption with a lie detector; Barney is suspicious of a furrier's robbery report.

The detectives don uniforms while Levitt and the others take sergeant's exams; Luger, working with the squad, is overly rough with a collar, and later with Barney.

Chano is guilt-stricken when he shoots a holdup man; Liz makes a citizen's arrest, after being robbed at ""stickpoint"" by a twelve-year-old.

A computer firm has difficulty retrieving embezzled funds; an educated young man claims to be under the influence of a voodoo curse.

A car thief's conscience gets the better of him ... after twenty-five years; Levitt saves a child from a precarious fate; an overzealous sanitation officer goes to extremes.

Harris quickly regrets the fact that Dietrich has saved his life; the 12th is asked to assist a thief who has been granted entry into a witness-relocation program.

A former master criminal becomes a walking zombie following his lobotomy; a man is unable to use the telephone after being mugged because he's Amish. Jeff Corey, who appeared previously as ""The Prisoner,"" was a renowned acting teacher.

Harris finally finds an apartment in the Village; a ventriloquist insists he's not responsible for his dummy's insensitive remarks; a prisoner holds the boys at gunpoint.

Friends, foes and felons alike drop by to pay their last respects as the detectives prepare to leave for new assignments; Harris contemplates his resignation when he's assigned to Flushing Meadows; Barney recalls friends departed before he turns out the squad room lights for the last time.

Harris and Arnold come to blows; a mugging victim confesses to a twenty-five year old crush on Barney.

A job fair brings out the worst in a Peace Corps recruiter; Dietrich volunteers for a department stress experiment.

Harris is forced to liquidate his possessions to pay off his lawsuit.

Harris woos the precinct's crime photographer, while Dietrich tracks down the hit man's intended target; Barney's frustration boils over when the new homicide-only edict results in the death of an old friend.

A woman has her shoes stolen - from her feet; Wojo is forced to arrest an aging Indian who only wants to die in the park.

A man charges a sperm bank with murder after the lab unwittingly destroys the man's last sample.

Rather than return one week per month to uniformed patrol, Wojo quits the force.

Well-meaning nosy neighbors overrun a covert stakeout operation.

A bomber targets the 12th Precinct, as Det. Fish contemplates retirement.

On New Year's Eve, Fish tries to stop a jumper, and Wojo delivers a baby.

Wentworth busts a dime-store cowboy in a massage parlor, and the detectives bust an octogenarian mugger.

Retired Sergeant Fish returns to assist Barney in locating a pilfered corpse.

Barney discovers that Harris has been moonlighting; Dietrich arrests a priest who's fencing stolen goods; a racketeer is using a retarded boy as an assistant.

Wojo is dismayed to discover that the city doesn't have up-to-date evacuation procedures in the event of an emergency; Fish meets Jilly Pappalardo, a young thief who he will eventually care for in the ""Barney"" spin-off ""Fish.""

Quarters are tight at the 12th when a holdup man is confined with his busload of victims.

The quarantined 12th Precinct tries to make it through the night: Lugar has a 'talk' with Marty and Daryl Driscoll; and Harris has a loud rant in his sleep.

When Barney spends the night in jail, the squad room is left in the natty hands of Sergeant Harris.

An accusation of an indiscretion on the part of Dietrich leads to a visit from the gleeful Lieutenant Scanlon of Internal Affairs; Yemana books a rabbi who is running a gambling casino in his synagogue.

A scruffy ""Serpico""-type cop has good reason to hide behind unruly hair; Bernice discovers that Fish spent the afternoon in a massage parlor.

One man's hands are a musical instrument to himself and a nuisance to others; a detective goes undercover to trap a dentist with wandering instruments.

Captain Barney Miller talks down a junkie who is holding the 12th Precinct hostage.

The citizenry is in a panic amidst the rumors that the 12th Precinct is being shut down; a repentent hood can't prove that he committed a crime.

A restaurant may have refused a man service because of his appearance; Barney won't name an informant so he's charged with contempt of court.

Dorsey takes a protective stance to a young prostitute; Harris is getting stock tips from another one; and Dietrich is tempted by all of them as he experiments with celibacy.

A husband is assaulted for forcing his wife into designer jeans; a disorderly conduct report leads to a man who swears he's possessed by an evil spirit.

Wojo and Wentworth pose as marrieds in order to bust a burglary ring set in a posh hotel.

Wojo is buried alive after a tunnel collapses on a burglar burrowing towards the diamond exchange; a homeless Harris is combing Manhattan for a new apartment.

A museum presses charges when an Indian retrieves his tribe's ancestral bones from an exhibit; a scoutmaster catches a mugger.

An old friend of Barney's is assigned to investigate allegations of corruption in the squadroom; Chano is after an obscene phone caller.

Wojo must escort a bigamist to Cleveland, even though he is (guess!) afraid of flying. Meanwhile,the bigamist's New York wife shows up. Also, a man turns in an unmarked envelope containing $3500 in cash.

The 12th may go up in smoke, to the delight of a suicidal couple.

A manufacturer of computer game processors is accused of espionage; a WAC supplements her income on the street.

A disgruntled man with a belt of dynamite threatens to blow himself and the squad room sky high unless President Nixon agrees to speak with him; the plumbing goes kaput; Wojo arrests a phony man-of-the-cloth.

A glimpse at Detective Fish's home life ensues when the detective decides to go on restricted duty. Steve Landesberg bows as Arthur Dietrich; Doris Belack fills in for Florence Stanley as Bernice Fish.

Election Day at the One-Two includes: A woman, being held from voting by her husband, throws a toilet seat into the street to get attention; a shoplifter gets escorted to vote by Wojo, who promptly 'loses' him; and Inspector Lugar comes electioneering for a old time political hack.

When the NYPD restructures its precincts as specialty squads, Luger pulls some strings and gets the 12th assigned as a homicide squad. Business is good; a man murders his barber, and a woman hires a hit man to kill her husband, and then changes her mind.

A tranquil prisoner claims to be Jesus Christ, which is timely for the drug dealer caught with an impressive stash; an elderly mugger poses as a photographer to ensnare lonely women.

A serious tone pervades this episode about a gypsy and his harassment of the owner of a novelty store; on the lighter side, a librarian takes extreme measures to ensure quiet amongst the stacks.

Barney smells a rat when two pounds of confiscated marijuana disappears from the evidence locker, and a homeless man spends the night in a department store—apparently one of many.

A man is convinced that a photo of Jean Harlow is his missing wife; a pair of lady cops makes an overzealous drug bust.

The squad grapples with guarding a department store payroll and a flasher who attempts suicide in the bathroom.

A murder witness is uncooperative, so he, Harris and Dietrich are forced to share an apartment in seclusion until he talks; Lieutenant Scanlon falls for a wealthy mugging victim.

Wentworth is furious when Chano gets the credit for her bust of an assassin at a block party.

When an anonymous letter identifies a member of the 12th Precinct as a homosexual, it buys the boys a visit from Lieutenant Scanlon, who proceeds to make a witch hunt out of his search for the author. Meanwhile, a disgruntled shopper takes a fire axe to an elevator's MUZAK machine.

A hansom cab owner reports his horse missing. A man assaulted in his hotel room insists he was alone.

Harris is assigned to direct a pornographic movie; an old-time radio newsman assaults a vacuous television anchor.

Luger takes a small disturbance with the Hassidic community and turns it into a full-scale riot; the squad discovers a survivalist couple setting up housekeeping in the sewers.

Wojo brings in a sick perp who collapses on the floor...resulting in the 12th being put under quarantine,with the following personnel present:A lady of the evening [who gets friendly with Fish!], Marty and Mr Driscoll, and of course, Inspector Lugar....

An expensive doll is abducted for ransom; a man claims he was swindled in exchange for a ticket on the space shuttle; Luger informs Barney that he's in his will.

The new detective is convinced that his compatriots are on the take and asks to be dealt out.

Dietrich, stricken with guilt when he shoots a felon, tenders his resignation; a playwright assaults an incompetent actor.

The detectives are reluctant to wear their new bulletproof vests; Luger interviews them in case of the need for a quick obituary.

Luger faces off against a 60s radical, and Harris arrests a portly second story man.

The officers arrest a rainmaker, only discover that he was hired by the drought-ridden city; Wojo, Harris and Dietrich each consider a job opening in vice.

Marty claims that a member of the 12th is harassing the gay community; the precinct computers think Fish is dead.

The 12th Precinct is sold; Dietrich arrests the head of a crime school; Luger tries to duck out on his mail-order bride.

Barney has his hands full with a couple who want his assistance with their cult-influenced daughter, and Nick's bookie who's arrested for his efforts.

Wojo's discover of an ancient weapon puts the 12th Precinct up for sale.

Wojo's proven innocent of a paternity suit, but at a cost; a beauty queen is robbed; an irate theater patron vandalizes the theater.

Wojo comes to Barney with a problem his superior would rather not know about; the 12th's new female detective has a very jealous husband, suspicious of her all-male co-workers; somehow a shoplifter escapes - in a wheelchair.

A wife claims spousal abuse; Wojo and Wentworth are bait for a park rapist.

The precinct is on the lookout for an arsonist; Chano brings in a man who used a deadly weapon on a vending machine.

Luger's mail-order bride arrives; an elderly woman mugs a man.

Weary of waiting for promotion, Levitt announces that he's quitting the force; Barney investigates a sex clinic that borders on brothel status; Harris investigates a rash of crimes ostensibly committed by a juvenile.