Barney Miller Episode Rating Graph

Wojo brings hashish-laced brownies his new girlfriend made to the 12th Precinct, getting the detective squad stoned; while an actor and critic (""natural enemies"" says Harris) square off with dueling swords.

A judge provides an attorney with the ultimate over-ruling—a gavel on the noggin; the crimes reported by a lonely woman emanate from daytime television soap operas.

The cast step out of character to offer a tribute to Jack Soo, who died during the show's fifth season.

The detectives clean up after three mental patients sit down to Thanksgiving dinner at an automat.

Barney is down in the dumps when he is passed over again for deputy inspector

A paranoid spy holds the precinct house at bay; the men bring in a disorderly mime.

Off goes the moustache, as it's Harris' turn for cross-dressing mugging detail; the host of a kids' science show goes off the deep end; Barney's men reopen a twenty-eight year old missing persons case.

A stockbroker leaves Wall Street to become a beggar; a rookie cop, assuming Harris to be a felon, shoots at him.

Wojo fears that a despondent Luger is planning to do himself in; a man seeking to reclaim his television set robs the police vault; a rash of bizarre robberies leads to an eccentric gun collector.

Marty is picked up for parole violation with a half ounce of marijuana; Wojo prematurely grants a Russian defector asylum.

Lieutenant Scanlon returns, this time attempting to ferret out corruption with a lie detector; Barney is suspicious of a furrier's robbery report.

A self-proclaimed time traveler tells Harris to fine tune his stock portfolio; Marty's divrorced gentleman friend Mr. Driscoll attempts to reclaim his son by abducting him from the playground.

Fish finally shows up for work, but refuses to acknowledge his mandatory retirement.

A taxi company is irate when Wojo totals a borrowed cab while pursuing a robbery suspect; Lieutenant Scanlon tries to ferret out 12th Precinct corruption with a drug pusher.

A latter-day prophet claims the end is near - 5:30, to be precise; a man who hasn't left his apartment since World War II is brought in for refusing to serve jury duty. John Cassisi appears as Victor Kreutzer, a role he would continue to play on ""Fish.""

A former master criminal becomes a walking zombie following his lobotomy; a man is unable to use the telephone after being mugged because he's Amish. Jeff Corey, who appeared previously as ""The Prisoner,"" was a renowned acting teacher.

Harris' book publication hits a snag when Dietrich refuses to sign a release; a suicide hot line operator becomes suicidal; the clerk that sold Wojo a sick bird changes his strict no-return policy when he learns that the detective is a cop.

Fish considers an operation; a burglar known as ""The Mole"" leads Harris and Wojo on a merry chase through the city sewer system. Ron Carey plays the Mole, and returns as Levitt in the next season.

The hotel situation now involves a SWAT team, while Dietrich learns the identity of his amnesic ""girlfriend.""

An accused mugger claims that he was answering a psychic vision; a language professor takes vandalistic umbrage to a grammatically incorrect billboard.

A woman has her shoes stolen - from her feet; Wojo is forced to arrest an aging Indian who only wants to die in the park.

A job fair brings out the worst in a Peace Corps recruiter; Dietrich volunteers for a department stress experiment.

Harris quickly regrets the fact that Dietrich has saved his life; the 12th is asked to assist a thief who has been granted entry into a witness-relocation program.

The detectives are unimpressed with a man who claims he's being visited by a poltergeist - that is, until they lock the man up and strange events begin occurring about the squad room.

A man charges a sperm bank with murder after the lab unwittingly destroys the man's last sample.

A self-avowed ""bird-man"" drops in; Barney holds a resourceful escaped prisoner for the FBI; Harris decides to write a novel, setting up one of the series' most durable storylines.

The detectives don uniforms while Levitt and the others take sergeant's exams; Luger, working with the squad, is overly rough with a collar, and later with Barney.

Barney and Inspector Luger man the fort alone when the detectives go out on strike.

A car thief's conscience gets the better of him ... after twenty-five years; Levitt saves a child from a precarious fate; an overzealous sanitation officer goes to extremes.

Friends, foes and felons alike drop by to pay their last respects as the detectives prepare to leave for new assignments; Harris contemplates his resignation when he's assigned to Flushing Meadows; Barney recalls friends departed before he turns out the squad room lights for the last time.

Barney puts his career on the line by refusing to forcibly evict the tenants of a condemned hotel, while Lugar tries to figure out what to do with his vacation time.

The cops observe the annual department-mandated ritual of wearing their uniforms - except for Harris who shows up in his usual natty street clothes.

An evicted tenant greets a landlord with a musket; Barney's charged with harassment when he books a blind shoplifter.

Chano is guilt-stricken when he shoots a holdup man; Liz makes a citizen's arrest, after being robbed at ""stickpoint"" by a twelve-year-old.

A bomber targets the 12th Precinct, as Det. Fish contemplates retirement.

A disturbance in the park turns out to be a man who claims to be a werewolf.

Wojo wants to tell Yemana that his Christmas Eve date is a call girl; Fish dons a red suit to catch a mugger who's targeting Kris Kringles; Luger fishes for an invitation from Barney for Christmas Day.

Rather than return one week per month to uniformed patrol, Wojo quits the force.

Well-meaning nosy neighbors overrun a covert stakeout operation.

Wentworth busts a dime-store cowboy in a massage parlor, and the detectives bust an octogenarian mugger.

Harris and Arnold come to blows; a mugging victim confesses to a twenty-five year old crush on Barney.

Someone is sending specific information on transgressions of the men to Internal Affairs; Harris sets up a reunion between an elderly cat burglar and the wife who reported him missing years ago.

A computer firm has difficulty retrieving embezzled funds; an educated young man claims to be under the influence of a voodoo curse.

Dietrich aids an elderly psychiatric patient who may be speaking a foreign language; a nuclear activist goes on a hunger strike to end nuclear arms; Barney declines a deputy inspector nomination.

On New Year's Eve, Fish tries to stop a jumper, and Wojo delivers a baby.

Harris is forced to liquidate his possessions to pay off his lawsuit.

Harris finally finds an apartment in the Village; a ventriloquist insists he's not responsible for his dummy's insensitive remarks; a prisoner holds the boys at gunpoint.

A man liquidates all of his assets into gold, much to his wife's dismay; Wojo claims he saw a UFO over Staten Island.

Wojo is dismayed to discover that the city doesn't have up-to-date evacuation procedures in the event of an emergency; Fish meets Jilly Pappalardo, a young thief who he will eventually care for in the ""Barney"" spin-off ""Fish.""

The quarantined 12th Precinct tries to make it through the night: Lugar has a 'talk' with Marty and Daryl Driscoll; and Harris has a loud rant in his sleep.

The citizenry is in a panic amidst the rumors that the 12th Precinct is being shut down; a repentent hood can't prove that he committed a crime.

When Barney spends the night in jail, the squad room is left in the natty hands of Sergeant Harris.

Wojo and Wentworth pose as marrieds in order to bust a burglary ring set in a posh hotel.

An accusation of an indiscretion on the part of Dietrich leads to a visit from the gleeful Lieutenant Scanlon of Internal Affairs; Yemana books a rabbi who is running a gambling casino in his synagogue.

A tranquil prisoner claims to be Jesus Christ, which is timely for the drug dealer caught with an impressive stash; an elderly mugger poses as a photographer to ensnare lonely women.

Captain Barney Miller talks down a junkie who is holding the 12th Precinct hostage.

Barney smells a rat when two pounds of confiscated marijuana disappears from the evidence locker, and a homeless man spends the night in a department store—apparently one of many.

A restaurant may have refused a man service because of his appearance; Barney won't name an informant so he's charged with contempt of court.

Wojo is buried alive after a tunnel collapses on a burglar burrowing towards the diamond exchange; a homeless Harris is combing Manhattan for a new apartment.

A wife claims spousal abuse; Wojo and Wentworth are bait for a park rapist.

Dorsey takes a protective stance to a young prostitute; Harris is getting stock tips from another one; and Dietrich is tempted by all of them as he experiments with celibacy.

The squad grapples with guarding a department store payroll and a flasher who attempts suicide in the bathroom.

A glimpse at Detective Fish's home life ensues when the detective decides to go on restricted duty. Steve Landesberg bows as Arthur Dietrich; Doris Belack fills in for Florence Stanley as Bernice Fish.

A man is convinced that a photo of Jean Harlow is his missing wife; a pair of lady cops makes an overzealous drug bust.

When the NYPD restructures its precincts as specialty squads, Luger pulls some strings and gets the 12th assigned as a homicide squad. Business is good; a man murders his barber, and a woman hires a hit man to kill her husband, and then changes her mind.

A disgruntled man with a belt of dynamite threatens to blow himself and the squad room sky high unless President Nixon agrees to speak with him; the plumbing goes kaput; Wojo arrests a phony man-of-the-cloth.

An old friend of Barney's is assigned to investigate allegations of corruption in the squadroom; Chano is after an obscene phone caller.

Wojo must escort a bigamist to Cleveland, even though he is (guess!) afraid of flying. Meanwhile,the bigamist's New York wife shows up. Also, a man turns in an unmarked envelope containing $3500 in cash.

A hansom cab owner reports his horse missing. A man assaulted in his hotel room insists he was alone.

A prostitute threatens to file harassment charges against Wojo; Rachel wants to move into her own apartment.

The 12th may go up in smoke, to the delight of a suicidal couple.

A museum presses charges when an Indian retrieves his tribe's ancestral bones from an exhibit; a scoutmaster catches a mugger.

Luger takes a small disturbance with the Hassidic community and turns it into a full-scale riot; the squad discovers a survivalist couple setting up housekeeping in the sewers.

A serious tone pervades this episode about a gypsy and his harassment of the owner of a novelty store; on the lighter side, a librarian takes extreme measures to ensure quiet amongst the stacks.

A husband is assaulted for forcing his wife into designer jeans; a disorderly conduct report leads to a man who swears he's possessed by an evil spirit.

Wentworth is furious when Chano gets the credit for her bust of an assassin at a block party.

A murder witness is uncooperative, so he, Harris and Dietrich are forced to share an apartment in seclusion until he talks; Lieutenant Scanlon falls for a wealthy mugging victim.

The precinct is on the lookout for an arsonist; Chano brings in a man who used a deadly weapon on a vending machine.

Marty claims that a member of the 12th is harassing the gay community; the precinct computers think Fish is dead.

Harris is assigned to direct a pornographic movie; an old-time radio newsman assaults a vacuous television anchor.

The 12th Precinct is sold; Dietrich arrests the head of a crime school; Luger tries to duck out on his mail-order bride.

Wojo brings in a sick perp who collapses on the floor...resulting in the 12th being put under quarantine,with the following personnel present:A lady of the evening [who gets friendly with Fish!], Marty and Mr Driscoll, and of course, Inspector Lugar....

Election Day at the One-Two includes: A woman, being held from voting by her husband, throws a toilet seat into the street to get attention; a shoplifter gets escorted to vote by Wojo, who promptly 'loses' him; and Inspector Lugar comes electioneering for a old time political hack.

Dietrich, stricken with guilt when he shoots a felon, tenders his resignation; a playwright assaults an incompetent actor.

A manufacturer of computer game processors is accused of espionage; a WAC supplements her income on the street.

The new detective is convinced that his compatriots are on the take and asks to be dealt out.

When an anonymous letter identifies a member of the 12th Precinct as a homosexual, it buys the boys a visit from Lieutenant Scanlon, who proceeds to make a witch hunt out of his search for the author. Meanwhile, a disgruntled shopper takes a fire axe to an elevator's MUZAK machine.

A disgruntled architect decides to improve on his building—by blowing it up.

Dietrich's old flame pays a visit; a former child actor clubs an agent with a telephone.

Wojo's discover of an ancient weapon puts the 12th Precinct up for sale.

Barney has his hands full with a couple who want his assistance with their cult-influenced daughter, and Nick's bookie who's arrested for his efforts.

The 12th Precinct reluctantly guards a mob witness; Chano uses his co-workers' own cash stash to set up a narcotics buy.

Weary of housework, Liz tries her hand at social work, to Barney's dismay; a master forger fascinates Harris.

An expensive doll is abducted for ransom; a man claims he was swindled in exchange for a ticket on the space shuttle; Luger informs Barney that he's in his will.

Harris disappears while undercover as a vagrant; Luger elects to be demoted rather than to retire.

Luger's mail-order bride arrives; an elderly woman mugs a man.