Green Acres Episode Rating Graph

Oliver will make considerable more on his apple crop if he gets his to market first. He hires local highschoolers to pick the fruit and uses their old truck to haul them. As the rickety truck suffers numerous breakdowns, the apple prices begin to drop. Finally, Lisa's hotscakes come to the rescue.

Ralph Monroe finds herself smitten with Hank Kimball, but discovers that he won't date a woman with a man's name. She asks Oliver to file court papers to have her name changed to something more feminine. While in court, Oliver learns that his license to practice law is not recognized by the state. This sends Oliver back to the books to study for the state's bar exam.

Lori, the little girl who missed the train back to the city, is staying with the Douglases. Lisa's plan to introduce her to the local children by having a party and gets out of hand; the festivities grow to include an elephant and Haney giving biplane rides. While Oliver fights to downsize her event, he searches for a replacement part for his ancient Hoyt-Clagwell tractor so he can begin planting.

Oliver wants to plant wheat on all 160 of his acres, but the local agricultural committee says he can only do eight. Incensed, Oliver takes his complaints all the way to Washington. Surprisingly, Haney sides with Oliver and prepares to fight the National Guard in "The Siege of Green Acres".

While fixing the TV antenna, Oliver falls through the roof and sprains his ankle. A parade of Hooterville residents shows up to give their regards while he's off his feet, but instead of sharing the food they've made for him, they crowd him off his own bed to watch Frankenstein Meets Mary Poppins on television.

Mr. Haney rents Bertram the rooster to Oliver for fifty cents a day. Unfortunately, he's a "pecker", not a "crower", so he also gets a chicken named Alice. Oliver then sets about getting a phone installed in the kitchen (though the line won't be connected for three months), the plumbing and roof fixed, and electricity via a rickety power generator. Mr. Douglas also meets his county farm agent, the absent-minded Hank Kimball, who takes some soil samples for analyzing.

Lisa tells the story of how she and Oliver met. During WWII, Oliver's plane was shot down and he was stranded in a tree. Lisa rescues Oliver, but doesn't trust him because he ""spends more time talking than smooching"". After Lisa's story, the farmers of Hooterville discover their crops are being destroyed by some unknown insect. Mr. Kimball identifies it as the ""Bing Bug"". The farmers appoint Oliver to dust all the crops, but not being in the cockpit for years causes trouble for Oliver in Mr. Haney's cheap plane.

Oliver's mother sends the Douglases their furniture from New York, while she also rides down to visit them. While Oliver and Lisa wait for the furniture to arrive, Eunice is stuck with Uncle Joe on his handcar, getting to Hooterville. Things go bad to worse when Eunice finds herself the target of Newt Kiley's bull, and the Douglases' furniture is delivered to Mr. Haney's instead.

After Lisa delivers an ultimatum, Oliver hires incompetent carpenters Alf and Ralph Monroe to enlarge the tiny bedroom. The Monroes have just begun moving the walls when the building inspector, the father of Eb's girlfriend, "disapproves" the project and condemns the whole house. Oliver is left with an open air bedroom without a roof.

Lisa wants to surprise Oliver with a new tractor for his birthday. To keep it out of sight, she has it delivered to the Ziffels' farm. The old couple mistakes it as a gift from Mrs. Douglas, leading Doris to think that Fred and Lisa are having a torrid affair.

Oliver misunderstands when the Hooterville bigwigs ask him to be a judge. He thinks he's being appointed an appellate judge but they just want him to judge apples at the county fair. The Douglases travel to New York so Oliver can get some judging advice while Lisa shops for a robe and wig for His Honor.

Lisa gets her first look at their dilipidated--and empty--farmhouse and is horrified. Oily Mr. Haney, who previously owned the dump, took everything with him, including the bathroom fixtures, and tries to resell them to Oliver. Eb, one of Haney's workers, is hired on as their farm hand. Lisa goes out to meet the locals, most of whom have entered a pool wagering on how long the Douglases will stay. Lisa is ready to immediately return to New York, but after a chat with Kate Bradley, she decides to give farm life a try.

While Oliver tries to recall how long he's been married to Lisa, she flashes back to last year's anniversary which ended with them in jail. The trouble began when a panicked Oliver found corn bores in his terrace garden. His mother, refusing to keep party guests waiting at the Waldorf while Oliver plays farmer, started tossing his "crop" off the balcony. Pots crashing onto the street below did not please the NYC cops.

With their phone still not connected, Oliver asks Mr. Kimball to put some pressure on his mother, who owns the telephone company. Kimball says he and his mother aren't speaking, but Oliver convinces him to make up with her. His mom is so grateful, she promptly has a phone installed--on top of a pole outside their bedroom.

Fearful that Mr. Haney will lay claim to Eleanor's calf, the Douglases decide to keep the cow's pregnancy a secret. The Hooterville gossips get part of the story right, except they think it's Lisa who's expecting.

It's planting time in Hooterville and Oliver is shocked that the locals make their crop choices based on aches and pains. Back on the farm, Oliver assigns every electrical device a number from one to seven in an effort to keep their creaky generator from blowing. All gadgets up to a total of seven can be plugged in at the same time, but Lisa can't quite grasp the concept.

The "Every Other Wednesday Afternoon Discussion Club" decides to bring culture to the valley by starting the Hooterville Symphony Orchestra. Oliver calls the women "nuts" for considering such a ridiculous idea. Undeterred, Lisa calls her conductor friend Sir Geffory, aka "Poopsie", to come and conduct the orchestra. What he encounters is the Hooterville Volunteer Fire Department Marching Band playing the only song they know.

Tired of Doris' nagging about having to beat their laundry on a rock in the creek, Fred buys a Grabwell washing machine from Mr. Haney. The boat motor in a barrel goes berzerk, spraying water and clothes everywhere before chasing the Ziffels out their front door. Oliver is more than happy to take their case and stick it to Haney in the courtroom.

Lisa is shocked that Hooterville doesn't have a beauty salon. She calls her mother-in-law who ships out her hair dresser, Claude. (She blackmails him with one word: "Scranton".) Setting up shop on the Cannonball, he gives the Hooterville women new hairdos. Now, they're too "beautiful" for farm work.

Tired of repairing the rickety generator that Haney sold him, Oliver checks on the status of his electricity. Learning that his application was never mailed, Oliver decides to deal with the power company in person. He finds that nothing in Hooterville is done simply--or correctly; he ends up with a meter that runs even when it's disconnected and another pole by the bedroom window.

New York lawyer Oliver Douglas quits his job at the law firm of Felton, O'Connell, Clay, Blakely, Harmon, Dillion & Pasteur and buys a farm in Hooterville, sight unseen. The locals are astounded that Haney had managed to unload the place on someone and try to talk him out of it. Laying her eyes on the dilapidated farmhouse for the first time, Lisa bursts into tears.

In just his first day as the School Board President, Oliver has started a grammar school protest. The kids are upset that their mascot, Arnold, has been thrown out for popping his teacher with a pea shooter. Fred asks Oliver to represent his "son" on grounds that he was discriminated against, but all Oliver can do is talk to the school's determined principal.

While fixing a leaky sink pipe, Oliver is reminded that he needs to fix other things around the place, like the loose floorboard on the front porch. After checking it out, he determines it is dryrotted and needs to be replaced. He places a sturdier board on top of it, so no one will get hurt, until he can repair it. Mr. Kimball arrives and removes the sturdy board, sighting it as a tripping danger. He immediately walks on the dry rotted board and falls into a hole up to his knee. With his injury, he needs to recuperate at the Douglases. Lisa bandages his foot and Hank's admirer Ralph arrives to play nurse for her ""Hankie-poo"". The annoying patient makes matters worse by blowing his kazoo when he needs Oliver or Lisa. Mr. Haney tries to get Mr. Douglas to sign an out of court settlement in Mr. Kimball's (now his client) favor for $50,000; refusing Mr. Douglas throws Mr. Haney out. Since the patient has taken over Oliver's bed, the Douglases sleep in the barn. The next morning Ralph tr

Oliver is invited to New York to be the guest speaker at a Harvard alumni banquet but he arrives with an unexpected stowaway. Meanwhile, the Ziffels fear that they'll lose Arnold to Mr. Haney, who's trying to take the pig in lieu of a debt that he claims the Ziffels owe him.

Oliver is frustrated because, among other problems, his new plow won't arrive in time for planting season. Uncle Joe has a solution that, naturally, benefits him as well. He charges farmers one dollar each to enter a plowing contest, promising them free lunch and big prizes. This is all news to Oliver as the neighbors on their tractors start descending on his farm.

Mr. Haney has Willie the well-witcher to witch him a new well. But when Mr. Haney has plenty of water, Oliver loses his water. The same thing happens when Oliver has a new well witched, then the Ziffels run out of water. When they get a new well, then Mr. Drucker runs out of water. Oliver decides that Hooterville should open a reservoir. Soon afterwards, everyone has enough water, but when everyone turns on their faucets, they lose their electricity.

Oliver has collected soil samples from his farm for the university to analyze. When the samples are accidentally spilled, Oliver's mother siezes the opportunity to get her son off the farm; she mixed the dirt with products from her cosmetics bag.

Ralph is distraught when her beloved "Hankie" Kimball is fired as the county agricultural agent. His replacement is so rude and insulting that even Oliver is plotting to get Kimball rehired. His scheme is to scare the new guy away by fixing him up with Ralph.

Oliver has his first good apple crop, but the valley has no pickers. He suggests the farmers take turns picking each others' crops, but by the time they get to him, they're worn out. Compounding his problems, Lisa's driving lessons include an unplanned wreck with a sheriff's car.

Oliver's mother needs bed rest so what better place than her son's farm. All she has to do is ignore Alf and Ralph's drilling, Haney's tour group, a group of dancing Sioux Indians and their chief who think's she's a looker.

The Hooterville farmers have decided that Oliver is ruining the town's image by doing his farming chores in a suit. Oliver eventually gives in to their demand to wear overalls, but they weren't planning on the fur-covered pair that Lisa's dressmaker has designed.

Lisa is against buying neighboring property owned by the Watsons until she see their farmhouse. Thinking the house is part of the deal, Lisa sells the Watsons' furniture to Mr. Haney and has their things brought over. All of this happens while Oliver is in New York arranging the financing.

Oliver is allowed to join the Hooterville Volunteer Fire Department if he'll play an instrument in their marching band. As Chief Joe Carson explains, they have more parades than fires. Patriotic speeches follow as Oliver takes his new duties very seriously.

Sam Drucker's off for a two-week vacation to visit his sister, leaving Oliver to take over his duties as deputy sheriff. Complications ensue when Oliver demonstrates how to use a pair of handcuffs to Lisa before discovering that he's lost the keys.

Oliver's groovy nephew arrives in Hooterville on his motorcycle with long hair, hip lingo and no interest in work. Chuck is excellent with motors, however, and proceeds to "soup up" all the vehicles in the valley. The easily influenced Eb is quick to decide he wants to be a beatnick.

Lisa belives that Oliver's beginning to crack under the pressure of running the farm. After Oliver claims to have seen a spotted horse and a zebra, she calls Doc Watson to give him a checkup. Lisa's attempt to slip Oliver a sedative backfires, resulting in her taking a very long nap.

Oliver's old friend, reporter Mort Warner, comes to Hooterville to relax and soothe his rattled nerves. He's ready to flee in less than one day. Mort is frightened by Lisa's syrupy coffee, hosed down with oil by Oliver's rickety tractor, and has his bed invaded by a TV-watching pig. Fred Ziffel peers at him naked in the outdoor shower, Mr. Haney gouges him with his phony Auto Club, the sheriff arrests him for stealing the Douglas' car, and quail-hunting Hank Kimball fills his behind with buckshot.

Oliver wants to start farming but Lisa demands he have their house redecorated first. Sam Drucker recommends a decorator from Pixley. Kate Bradley tries to tutor Lisa in the kitchen since she doesn't know the first thing about cooking. Kate starts by showing her how to make something easy: hotscakes. Adding to the chaos is Oliver's mother, who arrives to rescue Lisa from her nightmarish country life.

For Lisa's birthday gift, Oliver plans to gets her a horse. Mr Haney delivers one, and it's not your average nag. Its name is Mr. Fred, a talking horse who's also a has-been TV star. Meanwhile, the locals decide that Lisa has a drinking habit and attempt an intervention.

Oliver has the bad idea of getting into the chicken raising business. Haney wants to sell him a ridiculous egg laying contraption, the Monroe brothers build a disastrous chicken coop, and Lisa wants to raise the chicks as human children. The serious trouble begins when the 1000 baby chicks arrive. The brooder stops working and the babies have to stay warm. Lisa's motherly instincts save the day.

Lisa the fortune-teller predicts that a mysterious stranger will soon enter Oliver's life. That stranger is Tadpole Talbot, Eb's country music singing cousin. Tadpole hires Eb to go on the road and plug his music, but it's not nearly as glamourous as Eb imagined.

Oliver gives another of his speeches, this one to the County Bar Association, encouraging the hiring of ex-convicts. This leads to his hiring of Willie Dunhill, a man who's spent so many years in prison, he can't adjust to life on the outside; he keeps calling Oliver "warden".

Lisa & Oliver decide to take a college course together in Pixley. Oliver chooses a farming course meeting on Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays and Lisa decides on a Psychology course, simply because it meets on Tuesdays & Thursdays. After a few lessons, the zany members of Hooterville become enthralled with ""Doctor Lisa"", who helps solve Eb's, Mr. Kimball's and Arnold's problems with logical reasoning. Mr. Haney tries to sell Oliver a pyschiatrist's couch once used by Dr.Sigmund Frood. An exasperated Oliver has to make an appointment with ""the doctor"" when he intrudes on Mr. Drucker's psychiatric visit. Lisa gives up her practice to be Oliver's wife again.

Four children from the city spend a week on the farm with the Douglases. While Oliver teaches them to plant seeds and milk a cow, Lisa falls in love with the little girl of the group, Lori. The two bond over a batch of banana jelly.

Oliver tries to pick up a special delivery letter that arrived for him at the Hooterville post office. He and Lisa end up traveling all over the valley because Drucker mistakenly gave it to Hank Kimball, who gave it to Fred Ziffel, who gave it to Arnold. Arnold dropped it in the mail, sending the Douglases to the Pixley post office where two sets of identical twins are working at the windows.

With minimal help from Eb, a stressed Oliver begins planting his corn crop. Lisa tries to be a useful farm wife by making dreadful lemonade which Oliver pours out onto the ground. The next morning at that spot, he finds a giant cornstalk that reaches into the clouds. At the top of the stalk there's a Jolly Green Giant who bellows "Ho, Ho, Ho" and drops down creamed corn, both in the can and by the bucketful.

Wanting to be a bigger help to Oliver, Lisa decides to learn carpentry. She buys overalls and begins to study the craft from the inept Monroe brothers. Lisa's talents result in destruction in Monroes' workshop and earns Oliver a punch in the nose.

Criminals rob a jewelry store in Chicago and stash their haul in a grain bin. The expensive gems end up packed in boxes of Crickly Wickly cereal shipped to Hooterville. Lisa knows real jewels when she sees them, but Oliver's sure they're just costume. After taking them to be appraised, the sheriff arrests Oliver for the jewelry store heist.

Recent law school graduate Brian Williams pitches Oliver on joining him in a new practice. After another of his patriotic speeches, this time about law, Oliver is ready to hang out his shingle. Meanwhile, Lisa is excited about becoming their secretary and Eb is ready to run the farm.

The Hooterville Young People's Agricultural Society, comprised of Eb, Hank and Arnold, flies to Washington, D. C. for the national convention. When the stewardess tries to throw the pig off the DC-3, the Douglases come on board to smooth over the problem. With Arnold hiding in "the occupied", the plane takes off with the whole Hooterville crowd aboard.

After a friendly doe wanders onto the farm, Lisa starts a drive to ban deer hunting. When the governor arrives in Hooterville for the start of hunting season, Lisa presents him with her petition. He threatens Oliver and Lisa with jail time because her petition promises everyone who signed it a one-hundred dollar payment.

A check of their their marriage license revals that Oliver and Lisa aren't husband and wife. They'd been mistakenly given a license to practice dentistry. Refusing to stay in the house with a bachelor dentist, "Dr. Gronyitz" moves in with the Monroe brothers until they can re-tie the knot. Their church wedding goes fairly smoothly considering Hank Kimball is the best man and Ralph Monroe is the maid of honor.

After saying good-bye to Lori at the airport, a distraught Lisa seeks a job to fill her days. When Haney spots her applying at the County Welfare office, he assumes she's there for the free soup. Soon, Hooterville's convinced "dumb dumb" Oliver has lost his money and sent his wife out to find a job.

Ralph wants Hank to ask her to the Carpenter's Ball, but he comes up with feeble excuses to avoid going. Planning to get the two together at the event, Lisa asks Hank to be her date to the party. In no time, Hooterville is convinced that the Douglases' marriage is on the rocks and that Lisa and Hank are running off to Acapulco.

From inside an old trunk Eb found in the barn, Lisa begins reading the diary of Lydia Plunkett who, in 1898, becomes a traveling saleswoman for a corset company. Lydia falls in love with rival salesman Harry Wright, whose career falters as a result of her success. The two marry, she becomes president of the corset company, and unhappily tends house. He eventually tires of being a housewife and leaves her. As Lisa continues reading, Eb is entranced by the story, but Oliver scoffs at the soppy romance.

Fred Ziffel finds out that Arnold may in line for a inheritance. Arnold has the ability to predict the weather with his tail, supposedely making him a direct discendant of Herman, a spokespig who could also do the same. All of Hooterville, including Lisa tries to get Oliver to take Arnold to Chicago to receive the pig's $20,000,000 inheritance.

Oliver's angry over Hooterville's dirt road, especially after learning the money to pave it was appropriated thirty years earlier. Never content to leave well enough alone, he descends on the state capitol demanding that something be done. He makes little headway until Lisa mentions the name of powerful hot dog vendor Big Joe Haney.

It's Oliver's birthday, and everyone but him wants to celebrate. It also (coincidentally) happens to be Arnold's birthday too. Everyone tries to persuade Oliver to get Arnold a birthday present, while he thinks he deserves one because he's human, while Arnold isn't. It turns out Arnold, and Lisa are the only one's who get Oliver a gift, and when he and Lisa go over to the Ziffel's house for his party, only to find that there wasn't one, they return to find all of their furniture stolen.

Eb learns that $538 is not enough to build a house on the two acres the Douglases gave to him and Darlene. His schemes to raise a down payment include turning the Douglas farm into a bed and breakfast, a dump, and a trailer camp.

After Lisa hears a women's liberation speaker, she demands that Oliver share the household chores while she runs the farm. While he meets with nothing but red tape while trying to build a tool shed, Lisa gets the permit and completes the building with ease. A skeptical Oliver is in disbelief that his wife is so successful at "men's work".

Oliver's happy to let a paint company put a fresh coat on the house as an advertising stunt. But to everyone's surprise, the wood is so porous, it sucks up the paint as quickly as it's applied. In the kitchen, Lisa is taking three weeks to practice cooking spaghetti and meatballs for Oliver's birthday.

Lisa cons Oliver into taking a 'fifth' honeymoon together, this time in Hawaii. When they check into the honeymoon suite, they are unaware that the hotel manager's daughter, has given her friends the suite for their honeymoon also. Since the suite has two bedrooms it's just a case of both couples avoiding each other while on their honeymoon(s), for a while anyway.

In a personals ad, Eb advertises himself as a wealthy landowner. He begins communicating with a woman with a Park Avenue address, prompting him to exaggerate his worth even more. By the time she arrives for a visit, Eb is passing the Douglases off as sharecroppers who work for him.

Eb is sent packing when Darlene's dad learns he proposed to is daughter with a watch fob instead of a ring. Lisa gives Eb the $2000 ring Oliver used to get engaged to her and everyone is happy--until the father has the ring appraised.

With just two weeks until their wedding, Eb and Darlene still don't have a location for the ceremony. Mr. Haney's first suggestion, to have it for free at a car wash, doesn't wash. His second scheme, which comes complete with a household of furniture, gets Eb's signature on the dotted line. Darlene's father, however, refuses to let her get married on television in a furniture emporium's front window.

When the Ziffels come down with the flu, Arnold the pig stays with the Douglases for a few days, complete with his baggage & ukelele. On a trip into Pixley, Arnold waits in the car, while the Doulases run an errand. Arnold witnesses the Pixley Bank being robbed and notices the robbers description. But with all his squealing he loses his voice, and cannot tell the sheriff what he saw. Mr. Haney tries to sell Mr. Douglas a witness protection service for Arnold. Mr. Kimball tries to track the robbers and ends up giving the real robbers info about where Arnold can be found. The robbers take Eb hostage, thinking he is Arnold. Arnold saves the day by leading the Douglases to the robbers hideout and helping capture them, by pushing a ladder over their heads. Arnold thus collects the $2500 reward.

Lisa is homesick for the Park Avenue penthouse. So Oliver tells her the story of Gus and Etta, a farmer and his Hungarian wife who are broken and poor, but make the best of their new-found farm life. Unfortunately, the story ends with their farm being destroyed by a freak flood, and Lisa then longs for Park Avenue even more.

While fixing the roof, Oliver accidentally drops a hammer on Lisa's head, giving her amnesia. Initially, he's upset because she doesn't even recognize him. He begins to suspect she's faking so he'll take her to New York for the opening of opera season.

Alarmed by the dropping population of Hooterville, Oliver calls a town meeting to find a way to keep the young people from moving away. Lisa urges him not to become involved because his "goo dooding" always backfires, but he forges ahead anyway. Soon, he's involuntarily volunteered his barn to be the valley's new youth center.

Eb announces his engagement to Loreli Appleby, a girl he met the day before. In an attempt to impress his future father-in-law, Eb succeeds in destroying the farmer's cabbage crop. To get back in the man's good graces, Eb pawns Oliver's cow Eleanor so he can make the Appleby's mortgage payment.

The Agricultural Department is sending a student to learn the ropes from agent Hank Kimball. No one's too interested until Terry turns out to be an attractive blonde co-ed. All the men of Hooterville, eligible and otherwise, fall over themselves flirting and fawning. On the night of the big barn dance, the Douglas living room is packed full of maneuvering men, each thinking they're her date for the evening. Terry's choice turns out to be none of the above.

Oliver has to choose between being a farmer or lawyer when he gets an offer to practice in Washington, D. C. The official-looking letter, however, has the locals convinced that Oliver is hiding an juicy secret from them. After ruling out tax cheat and counterfeiter, that leaves only one choice: CIA agent.

When the Douglases, Eb, and Arnold return from Chicago, Arnold becomes a gift-bearing pig. He gives Mr. Kimball a wristwatch, Lisa an expensive braclet, and Oliver a shrunken head. Arnold soon finds himself the target of every seller from Hooterville, Pixley, and Crabwell Corners, who want their hands on Arnold's inheritance.

Oliver wants to have a simple, romantic Sunday picnic with Lisa. His afternoon for two turns into an irritating crowd when everyone invites themselves and tags along. Joining the couple are Eb, his girlfriend Linda and her accordion, her parents, Sam Drucker, his date and her sousaphone, Hank Kimball, Linda's Grandpa and some old lady he hit on at the gas station. That night, Oliver and Lisa take refuge in the barn when the crowd shows up at their house.