As Liz Taylor explodes, Donald Sinden tries his best to sell the viewing public a nice cup of Reptiles Bland Blend Coffee. Sir John Geilgud reads another excerpt from the Booker Prize winning 'The A Team' (in the original Latin).

David Coleman introduces the Euro Winkle Championships while Cliff frowns on Mrs. Whitehouse's non-virginal status. Margaret Thatcher causes consternation amongst her Cabinet when she discusses the subject of her successor.

It's Rubinovski and Franks - the new crimefighting duo starring a sheep and an anteater - and woe betide the lawbreaker who gets in their way! Meanwhile, the pound sterling is in freefall and so is the Chancellor!

Russian Prime Minister Gorbachev proves beyond a doubt he;s the grooviest Russian premier in history. Meanwhile, Jim Callaghan states publicly that, being a pedigree wolverine breeder, he would feed them nothing other than new Chunky Lumps.

Prince Williams devious machinations continue, while Barry Norman takes time out to interview Dustin Hoffman in his starring role as The Lettuce. The Cabinet struggle to find a response to the latest piece of news when they find all the best answers have already been used.

Can the Shadow Cabinet afford the electricity this week? Meanwhile, in the current edition of 'Criminal Libel', Margaret Thatcher, Norman Tebbit and Geoffrey Howe appear to have met their match in the shape of presenter Harold Angryperson.

Norman Tebbit ensures that the Government gets unbiased news coverage by doing it all himself. Brucie Forsyth tries to get his toupee past Customs and the Two Davids get a visit from the Ghost of the Liberal Party Past.

President Botha gives his country The Facts as he sees them, while some unsuspecting Mormons pay a visit to Cliff Richard's house. Barry Norman discovers that Meryl Streep is actually Dustin Hoffman, who wants to be both the greatest actor and greatest actress.

Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson (Fergie), try to sort out their wedding plans, while a brand new song about holding chickens aloft gets it's first airing. The Who discover that they are no longer the voice of urban youth, and Prince Charles meets up with a cheeky Cockney chappie.

The magician Paul Daniels chances his arm by hosting the brand new quiz show 'Block Your Odd Bob Mr. Name That Priceslines 2-1'. The world of theatrical luvvies goes into overdrive when they find out that one of their number has died. Unfortunately, they don't know which one...

Prince William's plan to remove all obstacles between himself and the throne continues apace. Snooker champion Steve Davis bemoans his lack of a nickname and comes up with something altogether more 'interesting'...

As Mary Whitehouse continues to disapprove, David Atenborough's knowledge of wildlife is tested by a panel of experts. Meanwhile, Roy Jenkins and David Owen complain about other epople's ability to be funnier than themselves...

Prince Philip grumbles that not only are his quotes being taken out of context, but that he's also expected to eat dog sick. Actor Leslie Grantham finds it hard to catcha cab, while things don't go to plan when the Penns and the McEnroes have dinner together.

When a Cherubic urchin gets an unfortunate visitation from the Tooth Fairy, the BBC News gets a revamp with Marcel Marceau reporting live from Northern Ireland. A bunch of professional cockneys show off their new long-playing record and Jeffrey Archer appears on Mastermind - his special subject; Jeffrey Archer.

Prince Charles receives a vegetable related epiphany when his food embroils him in a heated dialogue. Horse racing jockey Lester Pigott's horse tries to convince him that he really ought to be retired and put out to the stud farm.

While leech Rupert Murdoch shows off some of his excess to millions in 'Gracious Living', Neil Kinnock ponders his response to an offer of appearing on 'The Tube'. Can a simple game of Monopoly realy highlight the dysfunctionality of the Royal Family?

In 'Jesus, havent you gone to bed yet?', the Pope gets bored with a missionary worker telling his story and encourages the speaker to be hip and cool. Meanwhile, Sir John Gielgud dreams of sheep...

Prince William wants to be the next King, and tries to convince Prince Charles to abdicate before he's even gained the throne. While Margaret Thatcher is giving Norman Fowler a scrub down in the bath, he wonders if they should give teachers a pay rise.

Prince Andrew's in trouble wih his Pa for the size of his unmentionables. Terry Wogan chooses Sooty as his holiday replacement while Margaret Thatcher works on a new softer image. Derek Jameson gor-blimeys his way through another horrible programme.

Desmond Wilcox's new intrusive, fly-on-the-wall documentary comes to grief when the happy couple refuse to watch 'That's Life!'. Sir Alistair Burnet almost come to blows with John Craven when 'News At Ten' doesn't have a funny story to end the show.

Points of View is taken to task for a continuity error made during the transmission of some hard-core porn, Neil Kinnock takes on a true Mission Impossible - turning the Labour Party into an electable force by 1992 - and Bros are shocked to find that they've just gone out of fashion.

In an attempt to capture the Green Vote the entire cabinet has grown beards, including Mrs. Thatcher. Sycophancy runs riot during the Royal Variety Show which, this year, celebrates 'Prince Edward - One Year in Showbusiness'. Donald Sinden personally introduces its highlight - Ben Elton taking a brisk trot through history as The Fool.

Jimmy Greaves' concerns about hooliganism at Wimbledon are laid to rest, while Esther Rantzen has a bit of a shock when she meets a dog that refuses to say 'sausages'. While the truth about Kennedy's assasination still refuses to come out, Pavarotti gives a star turn at 'the Last Night Of The Yobs'.

The Conservative government try to reassure the people that the vast majority of statements made by Edwina Currie are harmless. Robery Kilroy investigates the future of broadcasting and John Mortimer fights the case for quality television. Neil Kinnock, leader of The Labour Party, gives a radio performance of 'Under Milk Snatcher', a play for voices very definately not written by Welsh poet Dylan Thomas.

Edwina Currie vents her spleen on the state of the National Health Service. Singer Bryan Ferry tries to release a new album but finds opposition from his record company, while Des Lynam hosts the 1986 World Chess Campionships and Paul Daniels seeks the path to enlightenment.

Michael Grade of Channel 4 Television is under attack from the advertising menace that is 'Saatchi and Saatchi'. Mystery abounds when eight 'complete strangers' are brought together at Vincent Price's spooky mansion. Unfortunately, his logic for doing so doesn't bear close inspection.

Sir David Attenborough has a philosophical discussion with a suicidal seal. Leon Brittan discusses the possible repercussions of being outed as a mole and Brian Walden discovers that you can't put a better bit of Botha on your knife.

With her party looming ever closer, can The Queen maintain grace under pressure as her dysfunctional family continue to show her up? Still evading Attenborigh's clutches, has Anthony the Anteater met his match in Prince Philip?