On an otherwise typical Monday morning, Bren's canteen is thrown into crisis when Norman the bread man fails to deliver the granary torpedoes. Should she sign the docket or not? Meanwhile, Jean is preoccupied with planning her daughter's wedding and finding the entertainment. Bren's mother Petula drops in with some ideas, but they're probably not quite right. Tony has to go to the hospital to see how his cancer's going. In the midst of this, Anita's in floods of tears (it's her period), Twinkle can't spell minestrone, and nobody's put out the gravy. New Human Resources person Philippa makes her presence felt, bugging everyone to try some group activities. Scottish country dancing anyone?

There is excitement in the canteen when news of a royal visit to the factory comes through. Nobody's very sure who's coming - Princess Anne doesn't do factories, Prince Edward does theatres - but they're all getting into a flap. When it turns out it's someone called the Duke of Danby, nobody has heard of him, save for Stan, who met him at Catterick years ago. Everyone throws themselves into role play and preparations: Twinkle has to be warned not to say they serve ""arseholes on toast"" and Anita is worried about her nipples popping up. Tony is adamant that the royals aren't speaking to the girls - God help the Duke if he does. When they eventually turn up, Twinkle's struck dumb, Anita says the wrong thing and Stan's devastated that the Duke doesn't remember him. Meanwhile, all the Duke wants is a bit of sex with poor Bren.