Tom and Linda go out clubbing and get completely smashed. Tom spends the night with a weird security guard, while Linda wakes up in bed with a woman. She's annoyed at first, until she realises that they did more than just sleep. Meanwhile Beryl goes back on the game, and Linda later gets arrested for soliciting. ""I said to them, do I look like a solicitor? No!""

Tom believes he's got the break he's been waiting for when he has an audition to play a hooligan in a TV Crimewatch reconstruction, while Linda receives a declaration of love from a secret admirer, who she assumes to be her happily married neighbour Jez. She tries (one of many times) to attract his attention with her classy bright green PVC catsuit while he insults his wife Suze by yelling ""shutup you rake!""

Tom gets to appear in a sofa advert, while Linda stars working on a factory line, squirting mashed potato and flirting with her male colleague. Tom makes friends with a celebrity and brings him home, but he hates Linda (""Butt out or get pretty!""), causing friction in the flat.

Linda's old Prison Warden from Borstal comes to camp in their backyard, while Tom gets to meet the guy he's dreamed of meeting his entire life: Simon Shepherd from Peak Practice.

It's Tom's 30th birthday and he wants to wake up to Bucksfizz. Linda surprises him by arranging a party piece, bringing Jez and Suze around to do a birthday dance for him. But Tom wanted the drink, not the group. Tom's dull, boring and prudish parents come to visit, so Tom tries to be more discreet about his sexuality. He persuades Linda to flirt with his dad in order to scare them away. But everything goes wrong when Tom discovers that they have a secret of their own.

Linda gets a surprise when her son appears out of nowhere to catch up on things. No one can believe it when he turns out to be black. Also, Suze begins going into labor.

Linda's dreams of becoming a model come true when Suze gets her a chance to be part of a fashion showcase, not knowing it's for ugly people. Tom gets singing lessons from Heidi, a look-a-like of Linda.

There's a man in the flat – looking very fetching in just his stylish underwear – but neither Linda nor Tom can remember picking him up at the nightclub.

Tom is worried that he's getting old and boring, so goes out on the pull, clubbing. Linda stays in and tries to chat up Jez, calling upon her knowledge of black heritage to help her. Or not. Tom ends up with an Italian stud, or so he thinks.

Suze thinks that Jez is having an affair, so he gets Linda to go undercover to discover the truth. Meanwhile, Tom gets a part on the nation's biggest soap: Crossroads. He plays a bellboy.