Alf finds himself in the middle when neighbour Bert arrives, closely followed by his wife Min after they've had a row over her food. The two men repair to the pub to drown their sorrows and to hit upon the ideal solution as to how to keep a woman in her place. This is of course asking for trouble when they inevitably return home and face Min's wrath.

While boozing at the pub, racist Alf makes Gran laugh by ridiculing the Pakistani, 'Paki-Paddy'. But the laughter screeches to a halt when Gran informs him the strangely half-Irish, half-Pakistani gentleman will be his new neighbour!

Alf is determined to respect the two minutes silence 'To honor the dead' on Remembrance Day but will Rita and Mike's disrespect and wife Else's loyalty to the BBC ruin it for him?

Alf is bedridden, having slipped on Else's newly-polished floor and broken his leg. Bored with being stuck inside, he asks Else to push him in a wheelchair to the pub but it's too much for her and she forfeits. Some lads come to Alf's rescue and take him to his destination but not exactly in the best manner.

Gran is very ill and Else is very concerned, while Alf is uncaring, they visit the sick old lady. Alf, believing Gran is not long for this world, pilfers her late husband's pocket-watch, but he is in for a shock.

Alf has received a tax rebate and is celebrating by blowing it in the pub, where he hears about another regular's racing pigeons. Alf believes he's onto a winner by taking up the sport himself and takes a train to set the birds free, though inevitably, things don't go as planned.

Returning home from work, Alf finds Min with her feet up watching his colour television with no attempt to make him dinner. This is the cue for Alf and Bert to repair to the pub and compare stories about Min. Mike challenges Alf to a race around the block.

Else has sent a letter to Min and not to Alf, suggesting that Rita and Mike bring Michael Junior to Australia, as she has no intention of returning to England. Alf doesn't believe Min when she tells him but, on finding the letter, must face up to the truth.

Min's mother has died and everybody has returned from the funeral though Min is adamant that her mother will be reincarnated as a blackbird. Having ensured that he has not already learnt of its outcome, Alf settles down to watch the Ali-Foreman fight but there are, of course, complications.

Alf wants his grandson Michael to play for West Ham, and follow in the footsteps of his beloved Bobby Moore, so he whisks baby Michael away to watch 'The Hammers' at Upton Park, but an unpleasant welcome awaits on his return home.

Even at the breakfast table, Alf is on his high horse, mouthing off about how the government should put looters and thieves up against the wall and execute them. However, when he gets to work and finds that Else has got her own back on him by putting nothing in his lunch-box, he faces an ethical dilemma. Steal or starve.

The Garnetts take a train to Bournemouth, where Alf gets into an argument with an Indian passenger and is aghast to be informed that the man is first class. On arrival, there's further moanings – sunburn, the taxi driver, though the hotel proprietress with the henpecked husband can teach him a thing or two about rabbiting on.

With no sign of Else ever returning, Alf decides to put his house on the market, though with Rita and Mike as sitting tenants, this creates a problem. As a trial run, he becomes the Reads' lodger but falls foul of Min who, after he's resisted her amorous advances, refuses to cook him a proper meal.

Supreme male chauvinist pig Alf is put to the test when Else and Rita get drunk at the pub. Things get worse when he tangles with a blonde call girl.

Alf comes home late from work and finds his dinner burnt to a crisp in the oven. Else tells him that Mike is at the chip shop and that if he phones through to him, it will not be too late for Alf to place his own order. However, Alf is thwarted by others using the phone box.

On New Year's Eve, Alf, not wanting to join the others at the party over the road, gets out his old Monopoly set. When everyone returns, they have a game, leading to the inevitable row over property between Alf and Mike, and Alf resorting to drastic action.

Out of grudging respect for a late female neighbour he despised, Alf orders the telly off for the whole day. Mike informs Alf that his beloved West Ham will play Fulham, on telly that evening, but will Alf ultimately watch the Hammers 7-2 triumph?

Alf returns from the pub with a mongrel puppy. The family find it adorable but it isn't exactly house-trained. The more the others find it charming through its antisocial antics, the more Alf comes to resent it and wants to get rid of it.

When Else is laid up with bronchitis, her sister Maud arrives to care for the family. She and Alf hate each other and, after he insults her once too often, she refuses to cook for him. Maud also sees an opportunity to make him jealous when an old flame of Else's visits, and she hints that something might've happened between George and Else on Brighton Beach before the war.

In yet another political argument, this time about the war in Vietnam, Alf declares that all protesters are Communists. However, when a lorry driver parks outside Alf's house and refuses to budge, Alf indulges in a little protest of his own.

Alf is in hospital for a short stay and he is not a model patient. Uncomfortable with a Black nurse, he defies hygiene by trying to clean his pipe out with a syringe. To worsen matters, he's visited by relatives, something he can truly do without.

Following yet another political spat with Mike and a subsequent nap, Alf heads off to the pub. There, he's unable to understand why all the punters are laughing at him.

When Mike loses his job and has to sign on the dole, Alf is suspicious because he offers to give him more money for the rent. It turns out that he has an extra £5 in his National Assistance but has to give most of it to Alf as increased rent.

The sexual morals of the youth of the mid-1960s are far from acceptable to pedagogue Alf, and when Rita's virtue is brought into question by Socialist son-in-law Mike, the predictable explosion occurs.

When Mike is unable to get into the phone box to place Alf's bet on a horse which ultimately wins, Alf decides it's time for the Garnetts to have their own phone. Despite Mike trying to wind him up by pretending to be the operator, Alf is proud of his new possession but becomes agitated when Else allows Min from next door to come over and use the phone, turning down the volume on the show he's trying to watch.

The Garnetts visit the West country on holiday. Alf is driving (badly) and, to make matters worse, it turns out that he does not even have a licence! Upon arrival, Alf has inevitable run-ins with the locals and a couple of aristocrats.

Alf reluctantly accompanies Mike to see Liverpool play Borussia Dortmund in the European Champions cup. There, his racism takes its toll as he reacts to his fellow match-goers on the terraces, resulting in a visit to the doctor with two black eyes and no voice.

With no bathroom or inside toilet in his terrace house, Alf resigns himself to washing in the old tin bath in the kitchen whilst Else hangs her washing around him. This screens him from Mike, whom he overhears trying to sell the house in order to get an upmarket place in his name. The prospect of two toilets and an en suite appeals to Alf but he must take action when he realises he might be the young Scouser's lodger.