The Chaser's War on Everything Episode Rating Graph

Final episode of Season 3, and the last episode to air.

- Intro Joke; Token Cute Animal - Knut. - Change of names; Craig - Wil Anderson, Chris - Corinne Grant - Stunt; Craig Reucassel confronting Peter Debnam in speedos and a baseball cap. - The Fixers; The Chaser (fixed) and David Hicks (not fixed). - Scenes From The Life Of The Crazy Warehouse Guy; Church. - What Have We Learnt From Current Affairs This Week?; Jodi Power and Mercedes Corby, Body Language Experts and Safe with a baby. - Ad/Trailer; Too many Americans on Channel Ten. - Ad Road Test; Wendy's, A flavour for every state of mind. - Andrew Hansen's Closing Comment; "(Craig: or catch the repeat of the show after lateline) that's the show hosted by ALP candidates"

* Before Show Joke; Pg Version. * Intro Joke; When in Melbourne The Chaser Team stay at Broughton Hall. * Stunt; Sunrise(TV) Dawn Service. * Stunt; Pokies & Live Music. * Ad/ Trailer; Make up your own mind (McDonalds) (Part 1). * Stunt; Grim Reaper, Job Applications. * Surprise Spruiker; Imam Ali ben Abi Taleb Mosque at Lakemba making comments on Sheikh Taj El-Din Hilaly * What you missed on Cable; Maury Povich + Easter Specials. * Ad/ Trailer; Make up your own mind (Part 2). * Song; Pauline Pauline Pauline. * Citizens' Infringement Officer; Fining people speeding (above the limit) in car parks. * Ad/ Trailer; Copycat effect. * Stunt; Buying a Bed. * Andrew Hansen's Closing Comment; "Or if you're very quick why not check out some clips on YouTube, Before some 15 year-old kid deletes them all." * Ad/ Trailer; Make up your own mind (McDonalds) (Part 3).

- Intro Joke; Swimmer who should've taken drugs: Grant Hackett. - Stunt; Malcolm Turnball's house for Sydney's hour of darkness. - Stunt; West Coke Eagles. - Clive The Slightly-Too-Loud Commuter; Calling doctor about his bent penis on a train. - Citizens' Infringement Officer; Bad tattoos. - Ad/Trailer; The Biggest Muslim - Firth In The USA; Punishment t-shirts. - If Life Were A Musical; Loose and tights pants. - The Fixers; Hanson and Oldfield (not fixed), British hostages in Iran (fixed), Brain Burke (fixed) and recycled water (Stunt; public taste test of water) (not fixed). - Pursuit Trivia; Tony Windsor, What is the official languague of Easter Island? (Incorrect)(Spanish). - The News According To Fox; Fair and Balanced, Chuck Norris, clutter screen with useless information and Anna Nicole-Smith. - Stunt; Blind taxi driver. - Andrew Hansen's Closing Comment; "Please note too that from next week we will be moving to Channel Seven like every other ABC comedy" - Credits, Pursuit Trivia Continued; "Which lovable beverly hillbilly died aged 95 in 2003?" (Incorrect)(Buddy Ebsen).

New Choppers, Crazy Warehouse Guy, Pre Tweens, Ad Road-test: Lynx.

1: Winter Olympics Chris and Craig congratulate Australia's most successful Winter Olympics teams, reporting on an impressive medal tally. 2: Promoting Today on Sunrise Chas reveals why the Today show performs so badly in morning talk show ratings, and how he improves their ratings. 3: Saddam Hussein Trial "I may be a monster... but I'd never stoop so low as to get involved with those two." 4: Surprise Spruiker - AWB Andrew's public relation service, the Surprise Spruiker, cures the AWB's image problem. 5: Beazley Biggest Loser Follow one man's quest to loose 25 kilograms, and 3 federal elections. 6: Famous Faceoff - Newsreaders Jucinta Timann and Richard Morecroft go head-to-head with some tounge twisting headlines to find Australia's best newsreader. 7: Bonehead Challenge Jules see how many minutes it takes before some bonehead ruins their news cross. 8: Firth in the USA - Guns Charles Firth hits a Texan gun show to find out why American's love guns so much. 9: Current Affairs - Experts Lesson 2: How to spot an expert, and how easy is it to look like an expert? 10: Mr Ten Questions - Charlize Theron Mr Ten Questions meets Charlize Theron. 11: In Other News Bill Clinton visits Australia, AWB transport costs, Big Bird Flu, Ian Thorpe catches a virus, Ben Cousins caught drink driving, and a very good news story. 12: Tropfest Entry Chris has trouble using the signature item in his Tropfest entry.

Highlights include: Hello Osama, Do you speak English? and Brothel Advertising.

Instead of opening titles, featured an introduction sequence about how The Chaser had spent the last two weeks trying to atone for the controversy over the "Make a Realistic Wish Foundation" sketch, which had led to the show being suspended for two weeks. Kevin Rudd car dealer scandal, cameramen being used to replace political journalists, disguising as Michael Jackson in order to interview Rudd about his "anger management issues". Praying at the Vatican for the sins of the Catholic Church, which had recently stated "excessive wealth" as a mortal sin. Trying to get free transport in London by pretending to be The Stig from Top Gear.

* Intro Joke; There's a Supreme Court injunction against this gag * Change of names; Craig - Defecting to Nine, Chris - Defecting to Seven, Julian - Defecting to Understanding 50 Ads, Chas - Defecting to Ten, Andrew - Defecting to SBS * Intro; Election campaign launches and slogans, people falling asleep at the sight of John Howard * Stunt; Craig posing as an outdoor portrait artist and demanding large amounts of money for drawing stick figures of people * Ad/Trailer; Least Favourite Things * Open Mic; QANTAS terminal * Stunt; Chas requesting a doggy bag for a very small amount of leftovers in a restaurant * Clive the Slightly-Too-Loud Commuter; Discussing a plan to murder his mother * Ad/Trailer; Elizabeth: The Golden Age with Bob Dylan taking Cate Blanchett's role as Elizabeth I of England (a reference to Blanchett playing Dylan in the film I'm Not There) * Election Watch; The Environment * The Fixers; o John Edward: Dressing up as the Ghostbusters and confronting Edward with a "bullshit meter" o Smoking: Julian pretending to be a terminally ill patient and asking people if they recognize him from the warning pictures on cigarette packets * What Have We Learned From Current Affairs This Week?; Lesson 25: Hiding bad acting, Lesson 26: Product placement, "Highly dubious reenactment" of the footage The Chaser shot at Today Tonight before being issued with a court injunction o Anna Coren's Segue of the Week; From the Melbourne Cup to a boy band * If Life Were a Musical; Craig applying to a talent agent with his terrible singing * Ad Road Test o The Loctite superglue ad where a man is glued to the ceiling by the soles of his shoes o Novotel commercial featuring wild animals checking into a hotel

* Intro Joke; Late scratching from this week's show: Charles Firth * Change of names; Craig - Master O'Reilly, Chris - Purple Moon, Julian - Mahler, Chas - Zipping, Andrew - Mr Ed * Intro; National Party members going rollerskating, interest rate rise, controversial comments made by Peter Garrett o Stunt; Barricading the house of Glenn Stevens, governor of the Reserve Bank o The Soundbite Challenge; New segment where The Chaser counts up how many times a politician has repeated the same word or soundbite in one press conference. 10 uses of the word "jocular" by Peter Garrett. o Stunt; Telling jokes to Steve Price to find out if he has any sense of humour at all * Stunt; Dumping various items of junk in a modern art gallery and passing them off as new exhibits * Ad/Trailer; Bunnings Warehouse 1: Takeover of small businesses * Stunt; Trying to bribe people on the street to vote for the Labour Party * Ad/Trailer; Geraldine Doogue emulating Britney Spears * What You Missed on Cable; Paranormal TV including Dead Famous, Most Haunted and Derek Acorah * If Life Were a Musical; Gang warfare (à la West Side Story) * The Fixers o Media scrums: Addressing a question to Julia Gillard by way of a remote controlled robot o Union bosses: Going trick-or-treating dressed as union bosses, to see how scary they really are * Ad/Trailer; Bunnings Warehouse 2: Too busy making commercials to provide any customer service * Stunt; Andrew dressing as Where's Wally? and checking himself into a lost property office * Sketch; Chris paying for live musical performances and podcasts on the train, because he doesn't have an iPod * Andrew Hansen's Closing Comment; "And as always, I'd like to leave you with a funny quip, but unfortunately our writers have gone on strike."

* Intro Joke; Sporting event no one cares about: Boston Red Sox 4, Colorado Rockies 3 * Intro; Family First Party candidate accused of taking pornographic photos of himself, cabinet divisions over Kyoto, Kevin Rudd on Facebook, expulsions from the Labour Party o Stunt; Showing up at Kevin Rudd's house for a sleepover, saying that as his Facebook friends he should let them stay the night o Stunt; Pretending to read Peter Costello's mind via "thought bubbles" * Ad/Trailer; A Convenient Cause * Stunt; Putting WorkChoices advertising stickers on everything in a supermarket, including the employees * Sketch; Face of Jesus seen in a toilet bowl * Stunt; Andrew having conversations while turning his back on the other person, to see if this works as well as it does in soap operas * Election Watch; The Grey Vote * Citizens' Infringement Officer; People wearing "apparel" on a nudist beach (such as watches, jewellery and baseball caps) * Stunt; "The Hassler Challenge" - Dressing up as various street vendors/advertisers, trying to make one passerby stop for all five of them * The Fixers o Political advertising: Liberal Party parody of the 1980s AIDS awareness campaign with the Grim Reaper o Funny church signs: Putting up catchy signs outside mosques and synagogues o Julia Gillard: Dressing up as Karl Marx and trying to hug her, asking her to "embrace Communism" * Stunt; "Streaking" fully clothed at nudist events * Andrew Hansen's Closing Comment; "Just a reminder. If you're over 18 and haven't enrolled to vote yet, bad luck, you're too late, because John Howard changed the rules!"

* Intro Joke; Special guest worm: Richard Pratt * Change of names; Craig - John Howard, Chris - Kevin Rudd, Julian - Bob Brown, Chas - Mark Vaile, Andrew - Lyn Allison * Intro; No worm on the show tonight, televised election debate, election soundbites o Stunt; Dressing up as white rabbits and following John Howard around, holding up signs for election issues such as "AFRICANS" and "ECONOMY" that he could "pull out of a hat" in order to win * Stunt; Craig parking in the middle of the supermarket while he does his shopping, pretending that the car is a raffle prize for charity * Ad/Trailer; Liberal Party election ad - If Labour wins, 100% of ACTU officials will be trade union members * Sketch; Japanese TV * Sketch; Chris taking showers and washing his car with the water stored inside a pet camel's hump, in order to beat the drought * Election Watch; Unions * The Fixers o Oversize popcorn: Walking into a cinema with oversized boxes of popcorn ranging from 1 - 2m high o Robert McClelland: Julian interrupting McClelland's speech at the University of Sydney and saying that the floor cannot take any questions today because answers may reflect Labour policy * If Life Were a Musical; Serenading a woman who lent Andrew an umbrella in the rain * What Have We Learned From Current Affairs This Week?; Lesson 24: Attitude. o Anna Coren's Meaningless Gibberish of the Week: Double Standards * Ad/Trailer; Parody of Kevin Rudd and John Howard's "turning off the TV" election ads on YouTube, where Andrew begins to sing a new verse to "The Eulogy Song" (about David Hookes) but is cut off in the same style as the ads * Andrew Hansen's Closing Comment; "And remember, up next: the worm decides the outcome of Summer Heights High!"

* Pre-show warning - The show may be offensive to Aboriginals and Torres Strait Islanders (A common warning on the ABC; in some indigenous cultures, death is taboo) * Intro Joke; Tonight's episode paid for by the Exclusive Brethren * Change of names; Craig - Laurie Oakes, Chris - Jim Middleton, Julian - Glenn Milne, Chas - Paul Bongiorno, Andrew - Michelle Grattan * Intro; John Howard and Kevin Rudd election promises as well as debates and slogans * Stunt; Craig dressing up as Emmett "Doc" Brown from Back to the Future and offering John Howard the chance to go back in time in a De Lorean DMC-12 and undo some of his decisions * Ad/Trailer; Hocktober: A radio program based around the antics of Workplace Relations Minister Joe Hockey. * Open Mic; Railway station, Karaoke at Woolworths * Stunt; Chas taking naps in public when he is forced to wait for goods and services * Ad/Trailer; Cats the movie as directed by Ken Loach * Pursuit Trivia; Joe Hockey * Election Watch; Aboriginal reconciliation * Ad/Trailer; Kevin Rudd election ad in which he admits he steals John Howard's ideas * The Fixers o Peter Garrett: Trying to get him to re-sing his Midnight Oil songs with a band The Chaser supplied o Rip-off memorabilia: Stealing items from the North Queensland Cowboys NRL team at the airport o Skin cancer: Promoting a coffin which has been fitted out as a tanning booth o Identity theft: Stealing the identity of an ANZ security manager at the identity theft conference. * Song; "The Eulogy Song", featuring references to deceased celebrities and how they were disliked when they were alive but treated like "top blokes" once they died * End joke; Radiohead offer

* Intro Joke; Now even more silent - Marcel Marceau * Change of names; Craig - Milko, Chris - Kate Richie, Julian - Sally, Chas - Don't Go Alf, Andrew - Quitter * Intro; The Australian Liberal Party dirt file, assuming John Howard is gay, Kevin Rudd and Alexander Downer talking about tax thresholds including Lateline's "other camera" * Stunt; Bring Rob Mills down to Tasmania to see if the Tasmanian premier Paul Lennon minds * Ad/Trailer; Classic Albums - Sounds of the Humpback Whale * Open Mic; Upmarket shopping centre, Target, Woolworths, Westfield Group shopping centre * Stunt; Seeing how many times Chas can complain about his meal at a restaurant and have it taken back * If Life Were a Musical; Chas singing about having all his hair on his body shaved off and not just his face in a Barber shop * Ad/Trailer; A Ingmar Bergman directed in-flight safety video, followed up by a review of it by David Stratton and Margaret Pomeranz from At the Movies * The Lab; This weeks category: Cosmetics - featuring various gels and creams (also featuring a scene with Julian dressing up as a primary school student and going to school due to the effects of an anti-ageing cream product) * Song; "Ass Sol" by Sol Trujillo (directed at his management of Telstra and a parody of the Denis Leary song "Asshole") * The Fixers o Mime: A mimed funeral of Marcel Marceau) o Kevin Rudd Asking him if he can speak Chinese and calling him a smart arse in Mandarin o Jetstar: Offering passengers safety ticket upgrades, parachutes and helmets * Andrew Hansen's Closing Comment; Now in the words of Marcel Marceau, Silence

* Intro Joke; Only 27 minutes to go until Summer Heights High * Change of names; Craig - James Mathison, Chris - Andrew G, Julian - Kyle Sandilands, Chas - Ian "Dicko" Dickson, Andrew - Marcia Hines * Intro; John Howard's poll results * Stunt; Redecorating Malcolm Turnbull's office with John Howard posters * Stunt; Being able to receive free goods and services on your wedding day (which included a free slab of beer, free food, free movie tickets and popcorn, a free jet boat ride, an unreserved table in an upmarket restaurant with a free dessert and a free performance from Kamahl) * Surprise Spruiker; The Royal Australian Navy Base promoting free breast enlargement proccedures * Firth in the USA; Should Muslims live as second class citizens in the United States? * Sketch; Movie roles which Hugh Grant tried out for but didn't get the part. Included movies such as Jerry Maguire, A Few Good Men and Reservoir Dogs * Stunt; Adult Shrek merchandise aimed at kids (included products such as cigarettes and ash trays, beer, heroin and vibrators) * Ad/Trailer; The Comedy Channel's "Fuck-a-thon" (Comedians whose routines are based on saying "Fuck" repeatedly) as well as the "Frankston Fest" (Comedians who make bad taste jokes about Frankston) * Citizens' Infringement Officer; Terrible hair styles * What Have We Learned From Current Affairs This Week?; Lesson 22: The Supermenace (the top 3 menaces to society, #3: Drugs, #2: Weather, #1: Asians) * Ad/Trailer; The "JI Extreme" van with built-in terrorist aid features * Ad Road Test; KFC Mashies (where people play finger soccer with the food in a library followed by playing with all kinds of KFC food in a KFC restaurant) * End joke; Playing the credits of The New Inventors

Featuring the now infamous APEC stunt which made headlines around the world and landed the Chaser team in legal trouble. * Intro Joke; Special Guest: "Pavarotting" * Intro; APEC, Dryzabone Jackets, George W. Bush's speech mistakes o Stunt; Using a fake Canadian Motorcade to transport Chas dressed up as Osama Bin Laden into the APEC restricted zone o Stunt; Running around the streets of Sydney wearing cardboard Canadian cars o Intro (continued); Shots of The Chaser standing with world leaders on the steps of the Sydney Opera House o Stunt; Are RSL's harder to get into than APEC? (Involves attempting to get into RSL's with APEC ID's) o Stunt; Chas ringing up a talkback radio station posing as someone else complaining about The Chaser o Intro (continued); Kevin Rudd impressing the Chinese President Hu Jintao with his knowledge of Mandarin (with The Chasers placing fake subtitles on screen) o Stunt; Public APEC Firework viewing including a firework which spelt out "Screw APEC" * Ad/Trailer; Network Ten, Seriously Desperate (hits back at Ten's show Californication) * If Life were a Musical; Andrew, Chris and Chas singing to a University student proclaiming their love for her * Stunt; Moving house by transporting possessions via a bicycle courier and then a public bus * Discussion; Using clown doctors when dealing with people putting down their pets and people on death row * Ad/Trailer; Emo laundry powder (parody of Omo) * A Message from Osama Bin Laden; Peter Beattie's departure, Chas dressing up as him * The Fixers o Horse Flu: Using a pantomime horse in a horse race o China's Evil President: Getting Chinese officials to pay for bullets beforehand o Foxtel: Andrew Hansen dressed up as Adolf Hitler storming into Foxtel's offices and compaining about the cancellation of one of his shows o Pisshead Troops: Getting politicians to skull long plastic pipes full of beer * Ad/Trailer; Australia Zoo (protecting the Irwin family "species") * Song; "Stairway to Kevin" (parody of Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin) * End Joke; Giving credit to the other nine people who got arrested for involvement in the fake APEC motorcade

* Intro Joke; First human to catch horse flu: Matt Shirvington. * Intro; APEC Summit in Sydney, incorrect White House press releases o Stunt; New uniforms for APEC leaders o Stunt; Replacing Australian animals in the zoo o Stunt; Glorifying APEC security measures (including doing checks on a Melbourne tram and in Hungry Jacks toilets) * Ad/Trailer; The Horse Flu Handicap horse race at Phlegmington (featured horse flu related names for the horses racing) * Clive the Slightly-Too-Loud Commuter; Talking to his doctor about his wife lactating apple cider * Stunt; Sneaking weapons into prison * Song; APEC protester (parody of "Subterreanean Homesick Blues" by Bob Dylan) * Stunt; Andrew Hansen as a performer on Thank God You're Here * Ad/Trailer; "Dicko" (Parody of Sicko) * What Have We Learned From Current Affairs This Week; Lesson 21: Things learned during the break which featured apologising to an actor who was called a pedophile, Matell toys made with lead paint, on board Kitty Hawk, upcoming election stories, J.K. Rowling story rip-off o Anna Coren's Segue of the Week; Macquarie Bank to Harry Potter * Ad/Trailer; The new Australian WorkChoices advertisements * The Fixers; Kevin Rudd (following him around with a stripper), different versions of the "Kevin 07" t-shirts * Song; "Where's My E?" (about drug use by players in the NRL mainly Andrew Johns and is a parody of "That's My Team" NRL Theme Song]] * Conclusion; Fake incorrect White House press releases * Stunt; Julian driving around Sydney in a tank including crushing a car

Let's Ask Jules to Join Us on the Couch; Transferring terror suspects to secret prisons overseas, with Julian putting up signs to help "hide" the Stare Kiejkuty military base. Trying to convert overweight Americans to a diet plan consisting exclusively of hay. How to make money during the recession. Craig polling UK citizens on whether they would be content to raise taxes to pay for the upkeep of the monarchy, then (when most respondents said no) trying to rent out rooms above Buckingham Palace. Make a Realistic Wish Foundation.

1. Kerry Packer's memorial service and memorial fund. Chris and Craig discuss the televised funeral and memorial to the late Kerry Packer, and then try to collect money for their own Kerry Packer Memorial fund. 2. Mega-Cheese crust pizza. Presenting the latest ad for pizza with more cheese than ever before! 3. Pursuit Trivia This question goes to Stephen Smith, the Shadow Industrial Relations Minister: What is the world's second highest mountain? He did not guess the correct answer: K2. 4. The Surprise Spruiker Andrew introduces his Surprise Spruiker for those who need it most. This week, those receiving his charity are: Giorgio Armani; The Department of Workplace Relations; and The Department of Immigration. 5. A Message from Osama Bin Laden Bin Laden admits he's responsible for all the evil in the world...except for the Up-Late Game Show with the Hotdogs. 6. AWB Corporate box; Big Day Out Sniffer Dogs; Australian flag fashion. 7. This week's subliminal message. 8. The Road to Turin Chris and Andrew are thoroughly practicing their ice-skating for the upcoming Winter Olympics in Turin. 9. Charles Firth in the USA Charles interviews football fans about the Superbowl. 10. In Other News... AWB kick-back scandal; Abortion pill UR486; Eddie McGuire; New footage of Iraq prisoner abuse; Bali 9 execution. 11. Evade Aid A live concert event to raise money for Packer's tax bill. 12. What have we learned from Current Affairs this week? Lesson 1: Dodgy Guys. How to spot a dodgy guy, and dangerous car parks. 13. Mr. Ten Questions This week he meets Hugh Jackman. 14. Danish cartoons on Danna Vale's website.

Episode 6 in the Chaser's war on everything.

Featuring: The Chk-Chk Boom Girl, Hot Air in the Vatican, Walking with Jesus, Cross-dressing, Litigation and KKK members mixing coloureds with whites. So much offensive content even the Chaser boys are complaining.

* Intro Joke; Disclaimer: Some of the shots in the opening credits may have been set up. * Change of names; Craig - Libby Gore, Chris - Lisa Oldfield, Julian - Zoe Sheridan, Chas - Mary Moody * Intro; Today Tonight on The Chaser's fake scenes, James Packer's wedding. * Stunt; Julian using a mobile billboard to advertise "End Mobile Billboards Now!". * Clive the Slightly-Too-Loud Commuter; Talking to his doctor about herpes * Pursuit Trivia; New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clark o According to the Book of Revelation, what is the Number of the Beast? Answer: Six Six Six (did not answer). o How many states are there in Australia Helen's Answer: Six (correct). * Stunt; Chas taking part in "Pedestrian rage" instead of Road rage (which involved Chas running around with a car parts attached to his body) * Stunt; Book fans dressing up as their favourite objects or characters from their books. o Donna Hay cookbook: Some of her recipes and pieces of food. o Stephen Hawking book: Pretending to have Lou Gehrig's Disease which included sitting in wheelchairs with heads back and to one side. o The Secret book: Dressing up as a crackpot expert (in white straitjackets). * If Life Were a Musical; Booking a holiday to India at Flight Centre. * The Fixers; Packer media empire, treating Adrian McKenzie as the new James Packer. Paul Keating, Julian asking him if he wanted to star in his new musical "Kevin Rudd the Musical". * Ad/Trailer; The new "Battered Sav Supreme" pizza available at Vomino's Pizza (Parody of Domino's Pizza). * Nut Job of the Week; Richard Cohen trying to turn gay people straight which included Chas and Chris trying it out on a gay man for real. * Ad/Trailer; The Crazy Warehouse Guy documentary. * Ad Road Test o The promo where people make lists on the bus for the Seven Network game show The Rich List. o The Riva Instant Coffee advertisement where people put on a dance routine using trolleys in a supermarket.

* Intro Joke; On hunger strike for Burma - Isabelle Caro * Change of names; Craig - Sporty Chaser, Chris - Posh Chaser, Julian - Scary Chaser, Chas - Baby Chaser, Andrew - Sporty-ish Chaser * Intro; AFL Grand Final celebrations, Australian citizenship test o Stunt; How many Australian nationals could pass the new citizenship test? * Stunt; Showing prospective lessees around increasingly unsuitable rooms for rent * Ad/Trailer; Stynx deodorant * Stunt; Julian pretending to be an inspector and going around a carpet warehouse sale, putting up signs advertising excessive discounts * Ad/Trailer; The World's Most Inconvenient Interviews 4 * Discussion; Israel's kosher mobile phone plans * Ad/Trailer; "Jewcy" Rabbi Phone Chatline * What Have We Learned From Current Affairs This Week?; Lesson 23: When the Cupboard's Bare. How to dredge up news stories from nowhere including reports on a bingo hall which banned patrons from bringing in dogs, a pony that watches TV, illegal trade in shopping trolleys and a woman who plans to have eleven children o Anna Coren's Meaningless Gibberish of the Week; Bizarre intro to a report on corporate law * Ad/Trailer; P&OD Cruises * Stunt; Trying to scare away tourists from climbing the Sydney Harbour Bridge on the grounds that it is a sacred site for white people * Song; Newtown (a satire on Tim Freedman) * The Fixers; John Laws cash for comment disclosures, Burma * Stunt; Trying to hold a rave in a clothing store * End joke; Fatboy Slim tour dates

* Intro Joke; Estimated number of Britney jokes in this episode - 37 * Change of names; Craig - Hugh Laurie, Chris - Robert Sean Leonard, Julian - Jesse Spencer, Chas - Omar Epps, Andrew - Lisa Edelstein * Intro; New Tasmanian pulp mill, Hillsong controversy * Stunt; Craig posing as a courier and trying to deliver dangerous or unpleasant items to public buildings, such as live animals and a dummy bomb * Ad/Trailer; Jeff Buckley - The Ultimate Collection * Stunt; What is the most minor disability Chas can claim to have in order to get a disabled - only seat on public transport? * If Life Were a Musical; Applying for a driving license * Ad/Trailer; Albino Man * Citizens' Infringement Officer; Standing on the wrong side of an escalator * Election Watch; The African Immigration Experience * The Fixers o Mr. Potato Head: Following a news story earlier in the week where Sydney Airport detained a passenger trying to smuggle drugs inside a Mr. Potato Head figure o Kerry Packer: Involving his family flouting the hosepipe ban by buying in water from a third - party supplier o The Homeless: Homeless people wearing a poker machine on their body for people to play then "guilt" them to give the money back because they "stole" from a homeless person * Ad/Trailer; Four Corners - Special report on hearse drag races * Ad Road Test o Uncle Toby's Oat Brits (offering an oat - based breakfast cereal to cafe patrons); o The Foxtel cable ad where people travel by rolling everywhere * Andrew Hansen's Closing Comment; "We'll catch you again at Hillsong this Sunday ... oh, what a giveaway!"

Vigil for Michael Jackson, Malcolm Turnbull email furore. Baby Day Spa. If Life Were A Musical; Chris, Andrew and Craig singing to a patron outside a theatre in the West End of London, about how the recession has forced them out of acting and onto the streets. Julian pretending to work for Apple Inc. and ordering people out of the queue for the new iPhone because they look too nerdy for the target demographic. French and Mormon versions of Cheaters. Getting Japanese people to eat unusual things. Noam - philosophical chat show hosted by Noam Chomsky. Chas testing the "Love Calculator" application on his phone. Parody of Touching the Void.

Michael Jackson memorial service, Tom Cruise security preparations. Catalyst special report on guide tortoises for the blind. Julian trying to give former Prime Minister John Howard a book about how to blame every political failure on the global recession, as Kevin Rudd was out of the country. Chas visiting Danny Nalliah during the night to see if he has had any more premonitions. In the Navy, satirising the HMAS Success sex scandal. The Azzan Project. New segment in which The Chaser reports on extremist TV programming from the Middle East. Trying to deliver a gigantic replica of The Ashes trophy to the England cricket team, to represent the comparative number of times Australia has won. Outsourcing the rest of the episode to Mumbai, including a version of the Citizens Infringement Officer segment with Julian's Indian counterpart issuing fines on turbans.

Barney the Dinosaur chasing down Dick Cheney for royalties from playing his songs at Guantanamo. Michael Palin - Around a Westfield in 80 days. Chas opens a Starbucks inside a Starbucks. Turning Kevin Rudds speeches into a song. Terry Gilliam shoots a Brand Power commercial. Nut Job of the Week featuring Steve G. Jones Hypnotherapist.

In this episode, the Chaser attacks targets such as The Commonwealth Games, Phillip Ruddick, The Cronulla riots, and Heath Ledger.

The 5th episode in the Chaser's war on everything.

* Intro Joke; Bridalwear By Ray's Tent City. * What Have We Learned From History; Adam and Eve accepted fruit from a serpent. * Ad/Trailer; 2007 Global Warming Games. * Firth In The USA; Hillary Clinton Intern. * Stunt; Sprinkling of Mother Ashes. * Ad/Trailer; JTV Wolfmother. * What Have We Learned From Current Affairs This Week?; * Who To Blame? * Lesson 16: Humiliation. * Clive The Slightly-Too-Loud Commuter; Drugs on a Train. * The Fixers; Chas' Smell (not fixed), Libby Lenton and Bra Boys (Not Fixed). * Ad Road Test; The Flashbeer commercial for Carlton Draught. * Credit joke; Chris Taylor's mother is not really dead. Please do not send flowers.

1: Rug Clearance Sale Ads It’s the Rug Emporium's absolutely, positively, definitely closing down this time sale! 2: Where the bloody hell are you? After the reaction to a recent overseas advertising campaign, Chris and Craig test a few of their own slogans to promote Australia to tourists. 3: Howard 10 Years Tribute The Chaser team celebrates John Howard’s tenth year as Prime Minister with clips highlighting his time in office. 4: Message from Osama Bin Laden – Dancing with the Stars Osama Bin Laden expresses his distaste with not being asked to perform on Dancing with the Stars. 5: Pursuit Trivia – Backstreet Boys This question goes to the Backstreet Boys: In Geography, what is the capital of Australia? None of the Backstreet Boys guessed the correct answer: Canberra. 6: Mosman Mosque Julian unveils plans to build a Muslim Mosque in Mosman, a suburb named as among the most racially intolerant in the country, and gauges local’s reactions. 7: Rug Warehouse Clearance #2 Trust us, this time we're not kidding; it's the "We Really And Truly Are Closing Down For Sure Sale"! 8: Firth in the USA – Cool Charles Firth hits the street of New York to find out why America is so cool. 9: Commvenience Which bank? 10: In Other News Peter Costello gets tough on radical extremism; Tony Abbott withdraws comments; Trevor Flugge’s AWB claims; Channel Nine’s new logo; David Beckham does math; and ABC denies any leftwing-bias allegations. 11: Brokeback Mountain – Christian Edition A sneak preview Ang Lee’s more Christian-friendly version of Brokeback Mountain. 12: The Complete Walks of John Howard DVD Featuring Mr. Howard’s most memorable walks, with commentary! 13: Current Affairs – Visualisations Lesson 3: Using visualisations to explain complex stories. 14: Crazy Warehouse Guy – McDonalds The Crazy Warehouse Guy visits McDonalds. 15: Finally, Tonight... It may be time to put away the talking Boonie, but VB have brought out another drinking sporting legend: the talking Wendell. 16: Closing Credits Credits are played over another scene from Ang Lee's Christian Edition of Brokeback Mountain.

1: French Protests Craig goes out onto the streets to see if he can French-up Australia's protests of the new IR laws. 2: Family Contracts In Britain, McDonald's if offering family contracts, which means if you can't turn up for a shift you can send one of the members of your family. But what if other types of jobs allowed this? 3: Pursuit Trivia - Malcolm Turnbull Part 1 This weeks first question: In Science and Nature, Io is a moon of which gaseous planet? Malcolm did not guess the correct answer: Jupiter. 4: Warehouse Guy - Cinema This week the Crazy Warehouse Guy goes to the movies! 5: Name Our Next Cyclone Julian goes around to different top-company-heads to see if they'd like to buy the naming rights to the next cyclone. 6: ABC Promo - Director's Cut With director's commentary. 7: Ad Roadtest - Napisan How would people REALLY react if you charged into their home with a camera crew and started pouring stains all over their clothes? 8: Cracked Pepper There's nothing Chris hates more than those waiters who constantly interrupt meals offering cracked pepper, but how much worse would it be if they decided to spread beyond restaurants? 9: Pursuit Trivia - Malcolm Turnbull Part 2 This weeks 2nd question: Who won the 2002 Melbourne Cup? Malcolm once again did not guess the correct answer: Media Puzzle. 10: In Other News... IR dismissal laws; Relations with Indonesia; AWB Downer inquiry; Vega; Robert McCallum. 10: Firth in the USA Charles tries to get into Skull & Bones, the most secret and powerful society on Earth. 11: Celebrity Solitaire Get ready for TV's exciting new card game: Celebrity Solitaire, this week featuring Andrew O'Keefe. 12: Statue Busking Made Easy Simply rig yourself up an actual statue and watch the money pile up! 13: Credits Song "They always run credits over my song..."

Macquarie Bank tolls A Message From Osama bin Laden Surprise Spruiker Chas calls a phone sex line Firth in the USA Monty Python. Mr. Ten Questions What Have We Learned From Current Affaris This Week? When a Telemarketer Calls In Other News Door Bouncer Challenge

The 9th episode in the Chaser's war.