The Bernie Mac Show Episode Rating Graph

Bernie finds out that Jordan has been getting haircuts with Wanda and the girls at a beauty salon and decides it's time to take him to Bernie's favorite barbershop downtown so Jordan can learn to be one of the guys. There they talk sports, politics, community and most importantly -- smack. But things backfire when Jordan's first attempt at smack-talking hits a nerve with Earl, the barbershop owner, who throws the two out of his shop. Meanwhile, the girls bond with Wanda when they team up to figure out how to change the batteries in the incessantly beeping home smoke detectors.

Bernie takes the family on a tour of his old stomping grounds. Vanessa attempts to find her mother.

Bernie is hoping for some peace and quiet as he prepares for a performance that night, but he must deal with the kids when Wanda's business meeting runs long.

Bernie feels that Jordan is ready to walk home from school by himself, but his walk home days are over after Jordan and his friends pick on a crabby neighbor. Vanessa has a wardrobe malfunction while swimming.

Bernie's birthday is here and the family does not notice and Bernie begins getting jealous about an old lady shocking him with a stun gun, seeing a kid celebrate his birthday at Jungle Garden and getting locked out. Guest appearances by George Clinton, Daniella Monet and Jill Talley.

Wanda's parents, Lloyd and Leora, visit the Mac household. Bernie and Wanda first think the visit will be good for the kids. But Lloyd and Leora start to give them more then they bargained for when hey start to criticize Bernie and Wanda's parenting skills. Bernie and Wanda decide to let the grandparents take care of the kids and leave for several hours. When they return, Bernie and Wanda tell Lloyd and Leora how they feel and decide the best thing is for the grandparents to leave. When Vanessa finds out, she is very upset because Leora did not tell her parents that a boy kissed her. Everyone makes up and decide to leave parenting to Bernie and Wanda.

When a litigious neighbor asks Bernie to tear down the treehouse he built for Jordan, it leads to an all-night standoff. Meanwhile, a relentless Bryanna tries to put a bumper sticker that represents her good grades in school on Wanda's car, but Wanda tries different ways to put the sticker anywhere but on her car.

Bernie believes that he is the master of all pranks until his neighbor Carl Reiner, Wanda, and the kids join forces against him for the ultimate practical joke. They make Bernie believe that he accidentally killed Carl's beloved dog with rat poison. But it isn't until Ashton Kutcher comes into the picture that Bernie is put in his place.

Bernie takes a film role because it stars Bryana's favorite character, Droobie, a Barney-like dinosaur. Bryana, unable to separate fiction and reality, is upset with Bernie because he plays the villain in the film and is mean to her cherished Droobie. She gives Bernie the silent treatment, and his plan to show her that the two are friends goes terribly wrong when Bryana catches him stuffing the Droobie costume into the trunk of a car and thinks he has killed her favorite dinosaur. Meanwhile, Jordan is selling candy bars to raise money for his school but is not having an easy time of it. To ease his pressure, Jordan eats the candy bars and then must come up with a way to pay the school back.

Chris Rock and Jay Leno guest star, as Bernie takes a long-standing grudge against Rock all the way to The Tonight Show. Upset after seeing Rock get preferential treatment at a doctor's office, Bernie's blood boils even more when his poker buddies fall all over his fellow comic, who drops by to tell Bernie that they will be co-hosting an awards show. That's not cool with Bernie, who maintains that back in their early days as stand-ups, Chris once told a joke on stage that Bernie had told him just moments before. The situation comes to a head when they're booked on Leno, who's unaware of the rift between the two.

Bernie's agent Jerry Best takes Jordan to his office on national "Take Your Child to Work Day," and Jordan lands a commercial for the designer knock-offs store, "Magic Malvert's." But when they threaten to fire Jordan, Bernie steps in and is forced to do the commercial. Bernie goes before the American Idol judges in his confessional and they critique his performance in the commercial.

When Vanessa brings home her first boyfriend, Reggie, Bernie gets to work on scaring the guy off but quickly realizes that Reggie is a good influence on Jordan and could lead him away from bug collecting and into sports and girls. Bernie decides he can take advantage of the situation and let Vanessa think she has a boyfriend while also giving Jordan a role model. When this prevents Vanessa and Reggie from spending any alone-time together, Vanessa decides to break up until Bernie uses reverse psychology on her to get them back together. Meanwhile, Wanda decides to clear space in her closet and give some shoes to the Salvation Army, but letting go is harder than she thought it would be.

Bernie doesn't like it that Bryanna's education consists of playing in the sandbox, tag and tiddlywinks, and he begins to question the teaching methods at the Wellington School. So Bernie volunteers as a teacher's helper for a week to see for himself. Things go wrong from the start when he demands respect from the kids and asks them to call him Mr. Mac instead of by his first name, as they do with the other adults at the school. When he gets resistance from the kids, the teachers tell Bernie that since he does not respect the Wellington way he must be on his way. He takes Bryanna with him but enrolling her in a new school isn't as easy as it seems. Meanwhile, Wanda thinks she can reason with Vanessa and Jordan and resists using violence against violence to get them to stop fighting, but she's beginning to think it's the only thing that will work.

Jordan tries out for the basketball team, but the coach decides he is better suited for gymnastics -- as a ribbon dancer. Meanwhile, Wanda coaches Bryana's soccer team and turns her into a lean, mean soccer machine.

After hearing Bernie use inappropriate language at home, Bryana goes to school and repeats it—much to the horror of her teacher. Soon after, a social worker shows up at the house to discuss Bernie's hostility problems.

Bernie's sister, Benita, comes to visit, and all havoc starts. She first tells Bryana that she cannot play Snow White in the school play because she is black. She also buys a cell phone for Vanessa, that Bernie did not allow. Meanwhile, Jordan is obsessed with Benita when she walks around the house in her robe.

Wesley Snipes takes a genial comic spin as Wanda's easygoing boss, Duke, who invites the couple to a dinner party. Feeling as if the kids are ""turning my brain into mush,"" Bernie relishes this rare opportunity for adult conversation. But playing a parlor game underscores just how much being around the kids has influenced Bernie — asked to name something that flies, he submits ""Tinkerbell"" — and he takes some, well, kidding, from the Duke. Back at home, Vanessa baby-sits her siblings and takes matters into her own hand when Jordan gets troublesome.

Bernie decides that 8-year-old Bryana is too old to be riding her bike with training wheels. She crashes, and a guilty Bernie volunteers to take her class to the museum. Jordan steals an old cast from the hospital and wears it at school to get out of gym class.

Bernie is tired of living in a child-friendly house and having to give up all of his favorite things because of the kids. When the studio gives him a motorcycle and Wanda suggests that he give it to charity because it is unsafe, he puts his foot down and decides to keep it until he crashes, passes out and sees what the Mac house would be like without him. When he comes to, he realizes that Wanda is right, and he child-proofs everything in the house and becomes over-protective of the kids. Meanwhile, Jordan is caught trying to sell Bernie's girlie magazines to the boys at school and Bernie and Wanda are called into another meeting with Father Cronin.

When Bernie lands the dramatic lead role of a stroke afflicted former track star, he has a hard time convincing everyone he has the chops to be a serious dramatic actor and reaches out to Angela Bassett for acting advice. Since Bernie is working and cannot care for the kids after school, Wanda must put the younger kids into daycare at her work. Upset at being stuck with a bunch of babies, Jordan leads a child rebellion where the kids escape daycare and wreak havoc on the office. Meanwhile, Vanessa pretends to be poor, so that Teri, a girl at school, will like her. But the plan backfires when Teri finds out that Vanessa is lying and that she is really Bernie Mac's niece.

Bernie is booked on a popular morning radio show, and he gets himself into trouble with the whole family when he draws from his private life to bring comedy to the public airwaves.

Jordan plans to impress one of Vanessa's friends with magic.

Vanessa is slow to invite Bernie to a father-daughter dance, but quick to treat him like a stranger once there.

In the pilot, much to his chagrin, Bernie and Wanda are forced to take care of his sister's three children, Vanessa, Jordan, and Bryanna since she can no longer take care of them anymore.

Bernie is sick of the kids tearing up the house, so he decides to make them clean up everything they've ruined. The kids go along with the plan until they realize Bernie isn't paying them extra for their labor. The kids decide to go on strike. When the house turns into a sty, Bernie hires scabs (neighborhood kids) to do the work.

Bernie wants to encourage Vanessa's burgeoning musical talent. Guest appearance by Isaac Hayes.

Bernie is happy that Vanessa has joined the Spirit Squad, until he sees the racey costumes and provocative routines. Jordan enlists Bryana and her friends to help him sell a product.

Bryana's birthday party results in a lawsuit after she bounces high in the moon house and accidentally sending the girl flying. When Bernie hears about this, he tries to find a way to prevent the lawsuit from happening.

Bernie tries to instill a sense of old-school Christmas tradition in the kids but when they become obsessed with gift-getting Bernie decides to cancel Christmas altogether. Meanwhile, new Senior VP Wanda overcompensates for her promotion by trying to find a gift for everyone on her staff which distracts her from catching the Christmas spirit.

Bernie catches Jordan looking at his men's magazines and playing provocative video games, so Wanda tells him it's time for Jordan to learn about the ""birds and the bees."" Bernie is having trouble getting the words out, so he stops by the Playboy Mansion to get advice from the expert, Hugh Hefner. When Jordan thinks he got a girl pregnant by kissing her, Bernie realizes it's time for the talk.

Jordan sets his sights on joining Vanessa and Bryana on the Bernie Mac Hall of Fame awards shelf. He decides to join his school's football team after hearing that everyone on the squad gets a trophy just for participating. Bernie is thrilled that Jordan is playing football—until he sees his playing skills.

Bernie makes Vanessa prove she can manage her money.

Upset that Vanessa is living the free life, Bernie Mac has Vanessa work for him. Shortly, after wards Vanessa learns that his co-workers get all this free stuff because they mention they work for Bernie Mac. Vanessa takes big advantage of this, until Bernie Mac finds out. Later on, Vanessa has to bring one of his precious statues home but it breaks in a car accident. Jordan offers to fix it, with of course a price (some of the free stuff Vanessa got).

Baby girls daddy Brian helps out around the house and the kids start preferring him over their Uncle Bernie causing Bernie Mac to take offense. Baby girl gets called flat chested at school and Brian and Bernie fight over who gets to buy her a new bra. Jordan competes for best smile at school.

After a Jewish family arrive in the neighborhood, Bernie urges Jordan to befriending the son, David. Though hesitant at first Jordan begins to develop a friendship with his new neighbor. Not long after-wards David invites Jordan to attend his cousin's bar mitzvahs with him. After receiving various expensive parting gifts Jordan and David decide to crash bar mitzvahs of people to whom they do not know in order to receive more gifts. Before long it's time for David's bar mitzvahs but Jordan comes to a dilemma because this happens to be the same day of a very wealthy boy's bar mitzvahs. So Jordan must beside between friendship or material possessions.

Bernie and Wanda have undertaken fertility treatments. Wanda suffers from mood swings due to hormonal issues. Distracted with the idea of having a child the couple neglect to stay on top of the kids they already have. Vanessa shares her experience with babies joining a family. She explains the baby will be Bernie's own baby girl, or his son. Everyone will have to adjust, and one will be replaced. Bernie and Wanda adjust to ups and downs with treatment, having to ride out extreme highs, lows, hopes, fears, and consider how committed they have to be to the process, rife...

In an effort to bring family members closer together, Wanda insists they participate in the annual parish retreat.

Bernie and Wanda struggle with how to discipline Bryana when she begins to change from their adorable baby girl into a bratty little bully. They consult a child therapist to determine what is making her suddenly throw tantrums, become a bully at school and fight with her siblings at home. Meanwhile, Bernie buys Bryana a guinea pig but it's Wanda who ends up taking care of the pet and eventually bonding with it

Bernie's sister announces that she and her fiance, Monroe (Cedric Yarbrough) are eloping to Las Vegas. Wanda offers to have the wedding at the Mac house.

The kids' carelessness causes Bernie to have a near-death experience.

Jordan dates Erica, one of the cheerleaders at school. Bernie is delighted, but when Jordan and Erica break up, he tries to remedy the situation.

After several failed attempts, Bernie and Wanda realize that making a baby is harder than they thought, and Wanda begins to question their fertility.

Wanda's sister visits and wants to throw a roller-disco party for Wanda's birthday.

When Jordan makes the wrestling team, Bernie turns to Stone Cold Steve Austin for advice.

Vanessa's school prom is coming up so Bernie Mac picks a boy friend out for her (after doing his usual protective background check). Even after he chooses, he has all these worried fantasies. Bryana injures her ankle so Jordan has to be her servant, but in the end after Bryana took it a bit far Jordan gets some redemption.

The kids finally cross Aunt Wanda's line while Bernie's away. Bernie gives Aunt Wanda "Big Mama's Belt" to keep them in line. The kids wind up fearing her even more than Bernie Mac.

When Bryana's father, Bryan (Anthony Anderson), visits, he threatens Bernie's relationship with Jordan and undermines Bernie's barbecuing techniques.

Jordan turns 13, but still acts like a monster fighting with Bryana. Eventually Jordan lets Bryana walk all over him to avoid further punishment. When he gets his gifts back, Bernie holds back an R-rated movie. Later when Bernie asks Jordan to babysit Bryana one night, Jordan accepts just so he can watch the R-rated movie behind his back.

Bryan, Bryanna's father, shows up to spend more time with his daughter-and ends up spoiling her.

On a hot day, Vanessa detours the family's trip to the water park. Back at home, the kids act wild and the air conditioning breaks.

Bernie discovers that Jordan has taken his framed Redd Foxx ticket stub for the school time capsule when he is asked to include something that connects him to his past and doesn't have anything of his own. Bernie tells Jordan the hard facts about his past – how his father left them and that when life deals a rough hand one has to suck it up. But the hard facts harden Jordan and Bernie's afraid he's gone too far, so he decides to rewrite history a bit and make Jordan believe that his father left him a keepsake from when he was a sergeant in the Army. When Vanessa hears about Bernie's lies, she is infuriated but eventually agrees it is important that Jordan think well of their father. She gives Jordan the only picture she has of her father so that he can have a real connection to his past.

Psychologist Dr. Phil makes a house call in Bernie's confessional. He counsels Bernie on how to deal with an angry Wanda, who feels left out after Bernie and his buddies bring a woman, Lynette, into their group. Meanwhile, the kids find where Bernie hides all of their dangerous toys and end up almost killing each other to keep the secret.

After misbehaving yet again, Bernie punishes Bryana and Jordan severely. Yet again Wanda thinks he's being too hard on them. But in the end, she catches on. Vanessa turns out to be the sneakiest of them all.

Jordan wants to be more popular in school, so Bernie teaches him to gamble, but the trick soon backfires. Wanda's birthday is coming up, and Bernie searches for a rare cognac-colored diamond.

When Wanda plans a play date for a group of kids, Bernie ends up winning over the moms for the afternoon and becoming defensive about his masculinity.

Bernie realizes that the kids are here to stay, so he begins treating them differently. Wanda complains that Bernie is treating the kids like roomates and holds off sex from him until he realizes the kids are truly part of their family.

Jordan turns 13, but still acts like a monster fighting with Bryana. Eventually Jordan lets Bryana walk all over him to avoid further punishment. When he gets his gifts back, Bernie holds back an R-rated movie. Later when Bernie asks Jordan to babysit Bryana one night, Jordan accepts just so he can watch the R-rated movie behind his back.

Bernie is concerned that the kids are exposed to mature subjects.

This episode Bernie and Wanda seriously discuss adopting the children as their own. They talk about it in the car dealership where I try and sell them a car.

When Wanda invites Tasha, Vanessa's best friend from Chicago, to stay with them, Bernie is worried he will have another difficult teen in his house.

When Wanda quits her job after getting passed up for a promotion, she tries to re-channel her energies toward Bernie. The togetherness starts to wear thin, however, when she upsets Bernie's writing process as he prepares for his talk show appearance on ""The Ellen DeGeneres Show"". Meanwhile, Jordan wants to become friends with the big boys on the block, and figures the best way to do it is to hook one of them up with his older sister, Vanessa.

Jordan is tormented by bullies at school, so Bernie teaches him some moves that unfortunately turn Jordan into a monster.