President Stan's new statue is anally violated, so Stan calls upon the Xtacles to solve the mystery. When it is determined that a gorilla must have done it, Taggart blames a criminal named Rape Ape (who he just invented). Naturally, no file exists for such a criminal, so the Xtacles move to Rapier Ape, a retired ape fencer who they assume to have taken raping to a new level. A massacre of Rapier Ape's restaurant ensues and Rapier Ape is brutally beaten for his "crime," while the actual gorilla proceeds to rape Stan's new statue.

Taggart refuses to do anything in the absence of orders from Awesome X, which includes changing course to avoid crashing into the Rocky Mountains, resulting in the Xcalibur smashing through the peaks. The Xtacles decide to drink on the deck while A.L.E.X. convinces Taggart to change course. The Xtacles' destructive inaction does not go unnoticed, and President Stan has no choice but to call on the Xtacles themselves to figure out who's destroying the Rocky Mountains. Taggart blames Yeti terrorists and considers his job done.