Guy Caballero and Johnny LaRue come to blows over a meager Christmas bonus, resulting in a busted, drunken Johnny desperately tracking down Santa. Segments include Lola Heatherton's "Love Spirit" Christmas Special. Ed Grimley stars in "The Fella Who Couldn't Wait For Christmas." Rex and Edna Boil's Curio Emporium. Count Floyd's "Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas." The lighting of the Melonville Christmas Tree. The Shmenge brothers explore Leutonian Christmas traditions. "Pre-Teen World Christmas Edition." Bobby Bittman and Jackie Rogers Jr. star in "Christmas - That's All." "You. with Libby Wolfson" looks at Chanukah.

1. Long Distance 2. SCTV Sports: Battle of the PBS Stars 3. Wok on the Wild Side: The Case of the Stir-Fried Corpse 4. The Days of the Week 5. SCTV Movie of the Week: I Was a Teenage Communist 6. Harry's Discount Sex Shop: Businessman of the Year 7. Big Dude TV Dinner 8. Charlie's Kitchen 9. Mean Joe Greene Playhouse 10. Love Slaves of the Southwest 11. Comment with David Brinkley: Boredom

1. Max Lax Coffee Laxative 2. Bob and Doug Wrap 3. Harry Filth 4. Money Talks with Brian Johns: William Douglas 5. The Johnny La Rue Exercise Show 6. Shakespeare in the Park 7. The Heys of Our Lives 8. SCTV Afternoon Movie: Fantasy Island 9. Anne Murray Super Special 10. PSA: Mental Illness 11. David Susskind Show 12. LaRue Tachi Portable Quadraphonic System 13. Great White North: Ian Thomas 14. Signoff: The National Anthem

The SCTV office moves into the tallest, thinnest building in Melonville, which turns into a spoof of 'The Towering Inferno' as Guy, Edith, and others are trapped in the 200-story tall building just as a fire breaks out and strands them on the uppers floors. Also, "Peter Pan" starring Divine and David Steinberg. Al Peck sells used fruit. "There's Justice For Everybody" starring Steve Roman. An ad for the Kid Sister Organization. "Monster Chiller Horror Theater." "One On the Town" looks at public transportation. When Wives Look Older Than Their Husbands: Farm Wives. "Let's Find Jerzy." Shakespeare for College Credit. The first "Melonville Calendar," and "Words to Live By" starring Mr. Mambo.

1. "Mr. Know-It-All" The Life of Nostradamus - The Promo 2. Identical Bellhops 3. Money Talks with Brian Johns: Condominiums 4. Nightline Melonville: Margaret Thatcher and Tip O'Neill 5. Jerry Lewis Live on the Champs Elysees 6. Great White North: Dog Scoopers 7. The Days of the Week 8. International House of Panties 9. SCTV Foreign Film Festival: Rome, Italian Style 10. The Fishin' Musician: Jimmy Buffett 11. One-stop Lifestyle Services 12. Mouse House 13. Fireside Chat: Chipped Tooth 14. Norton Sheeff's The Making of: Dr. X 15. General Life's Insight 16. Sunrise Semester: Elementary Drawing 101 with Salvador Dali

1. Katharine Hepburn for Twillings Tea 2. The Godfather 3. Great White North: Long Underwear and Backbacon 4. SCTV Special Presentation: 3-D House of Beef 5. Birkney's Diamonds 6. SCTV Movie of the Week: The Vikings and the Beekeepers.

1. Sunrise Semester: Conversational New Yorkese with Norman Gorman 2. Lola Heatherton In Concert 3. Yellowbelly 4. Speaking of Talk with Lou Jaffe 5. Message from Guy: Illegal Aliens 6. Melvin and Howard 7. Sneak Previews: Empires are a Girl's Best Friend 8. The Point Shave and Haircut from Shickette 9. Dick Cavett 10. The Fracases: Southside Fracas 11. Only for Women: Divorce 12. Great White North: Making Doug Go 13. The Babe Ruth Story 14. Sid Dithers Private Eye 15. Monster Chiller Horror Theatre: Whispers of the Wolf

1. Message from Guy: Catch Our Stars 2. High Q 3. The Merv Griffin Show: Arafat, Liberace, Ferigno 4. English for Beginners 5. Dr. Benson Credit Psychiatrist 6. Message from Prickley: The New Season 7. Leave It to Beaver 25th Anniversary Party 8. Great White North: The Best Groups and Doug's Imitations 9. Dan Money 10. One On the Town: Levon Helm 11. Message from Hal Waxberg: Behind the Scenes 12. The $Millionaire 13. 20 Depressing Hits by Connie Franklin 14. Message from Guy: Consultant 15. Commercial: Half Legs 16. Masterpiece Theatre: All the Long-Leggedy Beasties 17. Spray-On Socks 18. Play It Again, Bob

1. Monster Chiller Horror Theatre: Dr. Tongue's Evil House of Pancakes 2. Give 'Em Hell, Bess 3. Farm Film Report: Brooke Shields and the Boomtown Rats 4. PSA: Video - Use It, Don't Abuse It 5. Great White North: The Great White North 6. Shoot for the Stars with Bill Needle 7. SCTV Movie of the Week: Teacher's Pet 8. SCTV Classics: Ben-Hur 9. Special Offer - Fur from Davy Crockett's Hat 10. The Lone Ranger Show

1. Commercial: Luciano Pavarotti for Edison Gum 2. The Sammy Maudlin Show: Chariots of Eggs 3. Johnny LaRue's Discount Deprive-O-Rama 4. SCTV News Special Report: NASA Production of Murder in the Cathedral 5. The Days of the Week 6. Ethel Merman Wake Up and Love Me 7. Great White North: Twist-off Beer Caps 8. Mr. Boom Microphone (from Ronco) 9. Mrs. Falbo's Tiny Town: Prison 10. Wheelbarrow World 11. Revenge 12. Carl's Cuts: Film Editing 13. Message from Guy: SCTV's Political Stance

"Angel Cortez: FBI Jockey," Bobby Bittman PSA for the Public Library, Gus the Security Guard makes everyone sign in, John Houseman reads the phone book, "Farm Film Report" with Deney Terrio, The band America performs "Right Before Your Eyes," SCTV Movie of the Week: "The Bowery Boys In The Band," Dr. Rawl Withers introduces The National Midnight Star, Harry the guy with a snake on his face sells descramblers. A "reasonably faithful" spoof of Jane Eyre, Reverend Gene Filler of the Church of Unlimited Credit, "Monster Chiller Horror Theater" presents Dr. Tongue's 3-D House of Slave Chicks, Curly Howard sings love themes, Gus asks Edith Prickley out, People's Court (joined in progress), Rev. Gene Filler returns.

1. Comment with David Brinkley: Quality Smoke 2. Cooking with Prickley 3. Tex and Edna Boil's Organ Emporium: Rhythm Ace 4. Career Home Study 5. Mr. Science: Coffee 6. Sammy Maudlin Show: Bob Hope in China 7. Taxi Driver with Woody Allen 8. Transmission Difficulty / Program Change 9. What's My Shoesize? 10. Great White North: Parking at Donut Places 11. Taxi Driver with Gregory Peck 12. Lee A. Iacocca's Rock Concert 13. Extreme Close-Up with Dave Thomas 14. The Man Who Would Be King of the Popes 15. Taxi Driver with Sid Dithers 16. The Love Boat: Deerhunter Special 17. Chet Vet, the Dead Pet Remover 18. My Fair Lady 19. Harlett Romances 20. Mel's Rock Pile: Richard Harris 21. Shock Theatre: Early to Bed