Col and Frank love the talent show 'Starquest' and decide they're good enough to appear as contestants. After working long and hard on a musical/dance routine, they feel they are far better than any of the other contestants and deserve to be treated as celebrities. On the big night, things don't go exactly as planned.

When Frank and Col go looking for love in a local pub, they find themselves coming home with two extra people... two girls. But the next morning when the girls have left they find a police officer knocking on their door & accusing them of a robbery. Frank and Col then become fugitives looking for who really committed the robbery. Even after a final showdown in a car park, Frank remains convinced that they are the two men.

Col and Frank take a job at a factory but have an accident with some Anti-Ant. On the next day Friday the 13th, Col finds out that Frank is very superstitious. To help end his fears Col takes Frank to the local video shop to hire a scary video. Already spooked by the movie, they receive an anonymous death threat via a phone call, then numerous events threaten Frank and Col's well-being. Quote: "I LOVE that factory..."

At the prospect of earning a thousand dollars a day, Col and Frank impersonate baby photographers, and manage to get the babies mixed up. This prompts them to attempt to reunite the mother with the right baby. In the process they learn some domestic skills, Frank starts believing he and Colin are married, Kiss each other, end up with 2 babies in their care, and the police on their tail.

When Frank admits to Col that he is a virgin, Col sees this as a chance to show up Frank, so he invents himself an imaginary girlfriend called Jenny. But what starts off a trick becomes a bit more serious when Frank starts feeling left out and decides to move out.

When Col tells Frank that he can't be Frank's friend, Frank worries and decides to prepare for a holiday together to strengthen their friendship. But when it's time to leave, Frank has forgotten to book the caravan. He digs himself deeper and deeper by lying about the situation.

Col and Frank argue over which of them is the more intelligent, so they decide to settle the argument once and for all, by playing along with their favourite game show, Mindbender. Col cheats which leads Frank to nominate him to appear on the show. Meanwhile Frank tries to deal with his phobia of people with beards.

Frank is afraid of the water, because he can't swim. So Colin takes him to the big outdoor swimming pool for a beginners swim class. Then Frank drowns, and has to be rescued by a pretty female lifeguard, who gives him the kiss of life. He gets the wrong idea and sets out to impress the lifeguard, not realising her husband is a former Olympic swimmer, now only known from the "Penguin Muffler" ads he appears in.