Albright derides the Solomons as "weird," so Dick decides to make them "average."

The Solomons are struggling to take in the news - they have been ordered back home due to Dick's transgression with Liam. Dick's first instinct is to ask Mary to come, so he takes her to the planetarium before breaking the news to her that they are leaving, and asking her if she will join them. Meanwhile, since admitting his fear to Sally, Don has decided to quit the police force and open a muffin store, but Sally is disgusted by this career choice and decides to whip Don into shape - and turn him into a hardy police officer. At home, Harry and Tommy are attempting to organize a farewell party for the aliens, but have no money, so they decide to max out their credit cards and not worry about paying the bill, since they'll be halfway across the galaxy - they even hire Elvis Costello to sing Fly Me to the Moon.

Dick is jealous when fellow physics professor Vincent Strudwick publishes a critically acclaimed, bestselling book on physics, and, while Mary busies herself showing the visiting Nobel Prize winners around the campus, he decides to write a second book that will better Strudwick's. He then realizes, however, that he cannot publish all the secrets of the universe without raising unwanted questions, and so looks for another way to get at Strudwick, using Tommy and Alissa - who, it turns out, is Strudwick's daughter. Sally and Don decide to start hanging out as friends, but soon find themselves unable to resist each other.

Conclusion. Dick has a rival for the title of Pendelton's nuttiest professor with the arrival of the mysterious Dr. Liam Neesam. Meanwhile, Sally thinks she's losing her touch with men.

Dick orders the Solomons to go on a family-only camping trip. Then he invites Mary to go along.

Dick is suffering the humiliation of having been demoted from High Commander to Harry's assistant, performing the most menial jobs, while Sally has been promoted to his old role. Tommy is preparing for his high school prom with Alissa, but when the Big Giant Head insists on coming, things start to slide, especially when Vicki, who missed out on her own high school prom, turns up. After ruining the prom for Tommy and Alissa, the Big Giant Head whisks Vicki off to his bachelor pod in space.

Harry and Vicki prepare for an evening of amour. Then Vicki's jealous ex crashes the party. Meanwhile, Tommy "comes out" as a gourmet chef.

Dick tapes a promotional video for Pendelton; Don gives Sally a key to his apartment; and Nina and Harry find each other.

Tommy, an old man on the home planet, says he's tired of being a kid and "retires"; Mary tells Dick she wishes she had become a singer, so Dick decides to make her wish come true.

After three years, the Big Giant Head has finally accepted Sally's request to have her body changed for a man's. For their convenience, the bodies of Dick and Sally are switched. Now, in each other's bodies, Dick and Sally must try and maintain each other's romantic relationships and get accustomed to the changes that their new gender brings, while waiting for their request to be switched back to be accepted. Meanwhile, Harry is left in charge of Happy Doug's when Doug goes on vacation, but becomes worried when a group of burly, tough-looking bikers arrive.

Dick compensates for the loss of Mary's affections with a gain in another area: he puts on weight. Meanwhile, Tommy thinks August is cheating on him.

Frank, a former student of Mary's, returns for a lecture series, making Dick jealous, and paranoid that he is after her. When confronting Frank, however, he hints that he is gay, but Dick misreads him and is convinced that he is hinting at being an alien. Therefore, Dick begins to regularly accompany Frank to Geoffrey's Lounge, which he thinks is an alien bar. Meanwhile, Sally, Harry and Tommy receive a visit from Don, who has just inadvertently foiled a bank robbery, and decide to use their superior knowledge to rob a bank themselves. As the episode progresses, each of the Solomons dons a costume of one of the Village People (Dick as the construction worker, Harry as the indian, etc). At the end of the episode on their porch roof get-together, they are joined by Don in his police uniform to complete the tableau, and the episode ends to a Village People song.

Mary invites the Solomons on a murder mystery weekend, thinking that it might prove a fun activity. However, she goes down with food poisoning and retreats upstairs to her room. Downstairs, meanwhile, the Solomons are horrified when the first murder takes place, believing it to be real and, annoyed at the apparent lackadaisical efforts of Scotland Yard detective "Inspector McAffrey", they decide to try to solve the mystery themselves.

Dick, fearing that Mary has him wrapped around her little finger, takes lessons in being "manly"---from Harry. Sally and Tommy have a showdown with the game Monopoly.

Aghast at the treatment of aliens in a hit science fiction movie, the Solomons attend a science fiction convention to try to set the record straight -- and Sally's first experience of hotels get her hooked on room service.

The Big Giant Head sends a message that he intends to visit Earth, so Dick quickly orders Sally to move back in and Harry to stop attempting to make a baby with Vicki. He then attempts to prepare Mary for his visit by telling her that an 'old college chum' is visiting and that she would be well advised to discuss how much he has learned in bed. Harry tries his best to avoid Vicki, but eventually resorts to telling her that he can't father a child with her right now. When the Big Giant Head arrives on Earth, he is unimpressed with Dick, his leadership skills and his choice of girlfriend, while being impressed with Sally, her style, and her body.

Mary reveals to Dick that she has been observing his family for a number of years and that she would like to make a documentary about them, in order to show how the 'typical American family' has changed. Unfortunately, Mary's film soon begins to create tension among the family and accusations that Dick is an abusive father, Tommy is a bed-wetter and Sally is secretly a lesbian start flying around, so Harry decides to become an alcoholic so as not to be left out.

Dick's delighted (but Tommy isn't) when Tommy's accepted to a school for smart kids. Sally falls for a guy she met in a gay bar. Harry dabbles in magic.

Thanksgiving's an alien concept for the Solomons; it's an annoyance for Sally (who must cook), and an onus on Tommy. But Harry finds romance.

Sally becomes a pseudo celebrity when she beats up Mark Hamill in a restaurant, and Dick becomes jealous while Tommy's school life is affected by Sally's newfound fame. As Sally's assistant, Harry becomes obsessed with keeping Sally on top.

A Frenchman asks an unwitting Sally to marry him so that he can remain in the country. Tommy discovers he has a talent for flower arranging and styling. Dick is inspired to discuss marriage with Albright.

While Dick is using the Solomons' car for "casual" sex, Sally decides that she must have a car of her own.

Sally has a new boyfriend and Dick has a new friend: Don. Meanwhile, Harry goes to school.

A shy and brainy librarian is attracted to Dick, while Sally realizes why she's attracted to Officer Don. Meanwhile, Tommy and Harry write a “killer” episode of The X-Files.

Dick demands that Sally and Harry go to work, so she signs on as Albright's assistant and he gets a job tending bar. Then Dick decides on a career change: he wants to be cop.

Dr. Albright finally agrees to date Dick and Harry receives an ominous message from the home planet.

Dick is introduced to the concept of birthdays--and it dawns on him that he's getting old.

An invitation arrives in the mail from an 'Aunt Florence', inviting 'Richard Solomon' to attend a Solomon family reunion in Indiana. This is obviously a mistake, so Dick phones Florence to set the record straight. Upon discovering that Richard is so estranged that his family wouldn't recognize him anyway, he decides that the aliens could do with some roots and accepts the invitation. Upon arriving, however, it becomes clear that the only reason the real Richard is estranged is because of an old family fallout - and it hasn't burned out yet.

Sally discovers the joys of motherhood when Mrs. Dubcek asks the Solomons to baby-sit her grandson. Meanwhile, Dick begs Mary to let him “fish sit” for her while she’s away at a conference.

Sally's been reading romance novels, and decides to try out her fantasies on Don; Dick thinks the college cafeteria's cashier hates him; Harry receives surprising results on his GED exam.

While Dick is trapped in the basement, Evil Dick begins a plan to impregnate all women in Ohio.

Dick decides that the Solomons don't “fit in” on Earth, so he shops for an ethnic group to join. Meanwhile, Sally wants to fit in with Tommy's handsome teacher.

Randy "sells" Harry to a circus, where he achieves popularity as the act "Hargo the Alien". In order to try to find him, Tommy and Vicki visit a psychic, but it turns out that she's actually seen the Hargo act herself and so knows where Harry is. Meanwhile, the loss of Harry means that the aliens' annual status report cannot be sent, so the Big Giant Head punishes Dick for not submitting it by slowly shutting down his brain.

It is the day before Dick's birthday and he has ordered Sally, Harry and Tommy to throw him a surprise party. When in class he meets a woman called Charlotte Everly who appears to be very taken by his 'brilliance'. Charlotte first claims to be auditing his class, then later claims to be a reporter, then an intellectual groupie. She and her son wangle her way into his birthday plans, cancel his party and lock the guests that do arrive in the basement. She then reveals to Dick that she knows that Dick is an alien - and she wants to cut him open. Kathy Bates' appearance in this episode spoofed her role in the film Misery, when Dick refers to her as his "number one fan".

Harry and Sally discover the true meaning of Christmas at the mall, where they get jobs. But Dick turns curmudgeonly. Tommy tries to find the perfect present for August.

When an insulted Nina has had enough and quits, Harry becomes secretary to Dick and Dr. Albright. Meanwhile, Sally decides to live out the human childhood she never had.

When Playpen magazine arrives at Pendleton, looking for students to pose nude, Sally decides to take part. While Dick encourages this, Don is furious. Dick is horrified when he discovers that Mary posed nude for an art shoot twenty years ago, and tracks down the photographer. Harry decides to test if clothes are "all a big scam" by becoming a nudist. Tommy has his eyes on his new lab partner, Alissa Strudwick.

Dick realizes that he doesn't know how to use a computer and strives to learn how to use one. When he does it takes over his life and he becomes a recluse. Sally and Tommy decide to do away with their old TV in favor of a newer, better one, but end up becoming addicted, wanting all the latest features. Harry and Vicki, however, are trying to get pregnant, but the medical-science part of it is turning Harry off.

When a drunk Mary tells Dick she once had a fling with his archenemy Vincent Strudwick, he is outraged and decides to get even with the pair of them by convincing Strudwick's wife to sleep with him. Tommy supports Dick's decision, imagining double dates - himself with Alissa and Dick with Strudwick's wife. Meanwhile, Sally gets the hots for Don after he starts riding a police motorbike, but the pair crash and Don ends up in full body plaster.

Dick and Albright wage a war of practical jokes and Sally tires of Don when she meets a yoga instructor. Meanwhile, Tommy joins a rock band, with Harry as his roadie.

Dick wants to get back with Mary, so he's in luck when they find themselves locked in the school library overnight. Meanwhile, Sally, Harry and Tommy search for Dick.

Tommy is still reeling from his breakup with Alissa, but Sally and Harry convince him that if he can find an excuse to go over to her house, he can persuade her to watch a movie with him. When the pair leave the house together, however, Strudwick is suspicious and confronts Dick. Mrs. Dubcek suggests that they could have eloped, so Dick and Strudwick rush off to track them down before there's a baby on the scene, managing to accidentally abandon Mary in the process. Meanwhile, Tommy has rented a scary movie to watch with Alissa, in the hope that it might bring her into his arms, but Sally and Harry decide to show up and make it more real.

After hearing a pitch for a timeshare, Dick is sold and, unable to afford it entirely, he convinces Don to pay the other half. When Dick, Mary, Sally and Don take their first holiday there, however, they find it to be dismal; small and windowless, with nothing in the surrounding area but a prison. Meanwhile, Tommy has finally outgrown Harry, leading Harry, paranoid that he is shrinking, to consult a doctor.

Mary's mother Martha arrives in town and Dick decides to tell her what Mary really thinks of her - that she ruined her childhood. Angry, Martha tries to attack Dick and falls over, ending up in hospital. When Dick goes to visit, however, Martha tells him her side of the story, and a deeply moved Dick takes her side and promises to tend to her during her recovery. Meanwhile, Harry and Sally get a nasty surprise when throwing junk in the time space portal - a new alien.

Mary's wealthy sister Renata Albright has donated a large sum of money to have an extension built onto Pendelton University, but Mary knows that it is in fact a spiteful gesture designed to quite literally block the sunlight into her office. To retaliate, Dick schemes with Mary that he will woo Renata, win her, and then break her heart. Meanwhile, Sally and Harry are given ten thousand dollars by Renata to convert their house into a teen center.

The Solomons reflect on their sinful ways in an episode that illustrates their misdeeds in clips from past episodes.

Dick accompanies Mary and Nina to a book-signing for a self-help book entitled 'A Road Map to Happiness', and despite first thinking it stupid, Dick opens the book and is immediately converted. He then concludes that his relationship with Mary stands in the way of his happiness, and attempts to break up with her. At college, Tommy is attempting to get into a fraternity but is doubtful that he'll pass the entry rituals, so he enlists Sally's help, but she just ends up making it harder. Meanwhile, Mrs. Dubcek gives Harry the job of painting the kitchen ceiling, and he is determined to create a work of art.

Dick discovers that Mary has been receiving elaborate love letters from a mystery man named 'Scoochie' and confronts her about it. She reveals that she has been receiving them for years but has no idea who Scoochie actually is, so Dick pretends that it has been him all along. This goes wrong, however, when the real Scoochie arranges to meet Mary at the Medieval Festival. Meanwhile, after another alien unit operating in Ohio wins an award over the Solomons at the Alien Award Show, Sally and Harry make it their mission to track them down, and eventually move in with an Amish family, who they believe to be the other unit, since they are so different.

Nina accuses Dick of knowing nothing about Mary, so in an attempt to prove her wrong, when Judith walks into the office announcing that she has two tenth-row tickets to a Gordon Lightfoot concert, Dick claims to already have front row tickets. Of course, he doesn't, and so attempts to find a pair of front row tickets before it is too late. Meanwhile, Sally tells Chaz, the Channel 10 anchorman, that she would like to start presenting the news instead, and so he agrees to let her interview Lightfoot in the company's box at the Rutherdome; but really, he intends to seduce her.

Dick is annoyed that Mary, in her new position as Dean, has little time for him anymore, and is even more annoyed when he is told that he has to share is office with new professor Jennifer Ravelli. Despite his initial dislike, and attempts to stay loyal to Mary, he soon begins to fall for Ravelli. Sally tries to fix Nina up with Don's cop friend Eric, but becomes irritated when they don't take to each other. At Happy Doug's bar, Tommy fixes up an old 'love tester' machine but is disappointed when it classifies him as 'cold fish' and Harry 'hot stuff'.

Dick is confused when Nina won't let him accompany her to her Black Student Union meeting, believing it to be a Weight Watchers type club; so, in an attempt to understand the concept, he mistakenly takes the Solomons to a racist white power rally. Dick realizes that the rally was a bad idea, and tries to make it up to Nina by firing her, to release her from what he calls her 'servile role' (as he and Mary's assistant), but she informs him that she is happy in her job. Meanwhile, Sally, Harry and Tommy are preparing to take part in a poetry competition and decide to use racism as their subject.

Sally, Tommy and Harry return from the home planet with a surprise for Dick: a bride-to-be.

Pendelton University has a new chancellor, who causes anger when he cuts funding and takes away tenure, so Dick holds a meeting, in which he convinces the faculty to resign en masse. Unfortunately, the chancellor accepts the resignations and leaves everybody in the faculty, bar Dick - who withdrew his own, without a job. Upon finding out about his betrayal, the faculty protest outside Dick's classroom and Mary refuses to be seen with him. Meanwhile, Tommy begins working at a pretzel store with his girlfriend Alissa, but begins to dislike working with her and gives Sally and Harry free pretzels, with which they start their own business right in front of the store.

Dick decides to "rehabilitate" one of Officer Don's prisoners, so he pays his fine and takes him home; Mary decides to give away the dog Dick gave her.

Dick tries to hide his Janet predicament from Mary; Officer Don suspects that aliens have landed.

The Big Giant Head has revealed to Dick that he is his father, and so would like to get to know his girlfriend Mary better; however, Mary gets drunk at the dinner party and reveals that she has slept with over forty men in her lifetime. The Big Giant Head orders Dick to break up with Mary so he decides to run away with her, before Tommy reminds him that Earth children defy their parents all the time. Meanwhile, Vicki invites Harry's new girlfriend Janice to Tommy's graduation, where she attempts to kill her from beneath the bleachers; however, Sally quickly realizes what's going on and rushes to intervene before it is too late. The time comes for Tommy's speech, but he puts aside talking about his achievements to try to convince Alissa to forgive him.

Dick and Mary visit a psychic together, who claims that the pair are from two different worlds and predicts that Dick will one day up and leave Mary. Horrified at this news, Dick decides to find a replacement boyfriend for her, settling on a man called Gary; who thinks he's actually being offered Dick's position of physics professor. Meanwhile, Sally and Harry decide that if the psychic really knows that they are aliens, then they must kill her, but in a way that isn't possible for her to predict.

The Solomons are relieved when Vicki's baby turns out to be human, but horrified when she announces her plans to sell her story to the papers. When a reporter comes sniffing around, Sally gives Dick the title of Security Officer and orders him to kill him; however he can't, so she makes him High Commander and herself Security Officer so that she can kill the reporter herself. Dick then reminds Sally that he is now the High Commander, and that there is nothing she can do to reverse it.

Dick is all ready to dump Jennifer and try to win back Mary's heart, but then discovers that his relationship with Jennifer has made her jealous. Wanting the old Mary back, who had time for him over her job, he attempts to capitalize on her jealousy by making his romantic interludes with Jennifer very obvious. Officer Don introduces Sally to bowling, but becomes exasperated when she refuses to play by the rules, and so invites Harry and Tommy behind her back.

Dick and Mary decide to go on a double date with Sally and Don, but things start to become uncomfortable when Dick and Sally begin talking incessantly about how good their other half is in bed. The next day Dick and Sally come to realize that neither Mary or Don said anything about how good they are, and immediately worry that they aren't. Meanwhile, in a food store, Mary and Don run into each other and, consumed by what they'd heard about each other in bed, share a kiss. Elsewhere, Harry and Tommy follow in the footsteps of Jack Kerouac and take to the open road.

Dick's one lonely guy when Dr. Albright goes on vacation. Sally and Harry are lured by skin-care products that promise eternal youth.

After playing assistant to a magician at a child's birthday party, Dick decides to himself become a magician, with Sally as his assistant. They become a huge success, performing shows night after night at a local club, but show business soon starts to eat away at their offstage relationship until they hate each other. Meanwhile, Mary joins a defense class after being mugged in the park, while Harry joins the class as the man in the padded suit that everyone attacks.

The Solomons' say goodbye to Tommy as he goes to college, but Dick soon begins to miss him and attempts to convince him to come home. Tommy, however, is enjoying college life and doesn't want to, so Dick convinces him to pull an elaborate freshman prank to gain himself popularity, but really in the hope that Tommy will be expelled. Meanwhile, Sally and Harry are interviewing candidates for Tommy's replacement and although their best candidate appears to be a woman called Christie, when a handsome man named Bryce walks through the door, Sally hires him on the spot.

When Dick accompanies Mary on an archeological dig, he is disappointed when the only thing he finds is a small pointed rock. Mary realizes, however, that it is an ancient spearhead and becomes upset, revealing that she has never found anything before. So, in order to make Mary happy, Dick steals a ceremonial wedding moon that was found the previous day and lays it for Mary to find. Meanwhile, the Rutherford Garlic Festival is on and Sally, Harry and Tommy decide to turn their attic apartment into a hotel, but things soon become hostile between them as they attempt to make their 'hotel' good enough to get a four star rating in the Crown Travel Guide.

The Solomons learn about the give and take necessary to human friendships when they turn their anthropological gaze to the next-door neighbors.

Dick decides the reason Harry is “odd” is because he lacks a father, and sets out nurture the suddenly rebellious Harry. Meanwhile, sparks fly when Sally meets the hostile mother of her boyfriend.

In order to be with Jennifer, Dick breaks up with Mary, who agrees, doubting that he'll find another woman and not knowing that he already has. After a few dates with Jennifer, Dick begins to find her annoying, especially her like of rhyming her words with his. Meanwhile, Sally, Harry and Tommy experiment at home, by first swapping the furniture from the kitchen with that of the lounge, and then moving all of it into one room.

Dick attends a function with Mary and finds that, because she is Dean, he is ignored by everybody except the wives of the other Deans. In order to prove his worth, he decides to hold a fashion show to raise enough money to have the dilapidated statue of Admiral Pendleton restored. Meanwhile, Sally is horrified when she learns that Don had dated other women before her, and strives to track them all down. Harry and Tommy try to raise their own funds by setting up a lemonade stand.

The Big Giant Head and his new wife Vicki Dubcek arrive back on Earth, where the Big Giant Head takes Dick to a jazz club and admits that his marriage is troubled, and that he would like to get to know him better. As his overlord becomes increasingly more clingy, Dick begins to wonder what the reason behind it is. Meanwhile, Sally gets the wrong idea when she hears Alissa giving Tommy advice about his Valedictorian speech, and saying that it is a time to move on, and so, thinking that Tommy is about to get dumped, she finds Alissa and breaks up with her on his behalf. Harry finally asks Janice out on a date and the pair get together after a meal at the gym; however, Vicki is jealous, her old love for Harry stirring admits her troubled marriage.

Dick takes Mary up to his penthouse and wines and dines her, but she tells him that she doesn't believe in true love anymore, no matter how hard he might try to persuade her otherwise. Meanwhile, Sally isn't happy being second fiddle to Don's wife so she asks him to break up with her. Don, however, wants to run for president and so refuses, so Sally breaks up with him; while at NBC, Tommy's huge ego and demand for a high pay on Saturday Night Live leads Harry to fire him.

When Mary and Nina talk about how good looking Harrison Ford is, Dick decides that he himself is hideous and visits a plastic surgeon to discuss having his face surgically altered. However, when the surgeon tells Sally that she might benefit from having some plastic surgery herself, she becomes paranoid and believes herself not to be good enough for Don. Harry, meanwhile, is chuffed when the surgeon tells him that his face is perfect.

When Sally, Harry and Tommy are nearly crushed by a chandelier in a restaurant, they feel reborn, as if they are discovering everything for the first time. Dick is jealous, however, and while Sally and Harry volunteer themselves at a homeless shelter, he strives to have a near-death experience so that he might enjoy life like they do - and a faculty trip into the mountains presents itself as the perfect opportunity. Meanwhile, Tommy decides to waste no more time in his life - and asks Alissa to marry him.

Shaken by dreams, the Solomons may have to return home for repairs. But Dick doesn't want to go---he wants to marry Mary.

Tommy is looking for a college to attend and Dick steers him away from the big names such as Harvard and tries to convince him to attend Pendelton instead. Upon taking one of Dick's classes, however, Tommy decides that Dick is a lousy teacher and that he would rather look elsewhere. Outraged, Dick orders Tommy to go to Pendelton. Meanwhile, Sally is concerned that Don isn't listed one of Rutherford's ten most powerful men and so she gets him a job working for one of them.

Vicki Dubcek returns with her baby Eric Travis, telling of how she has cleaned up her act and become a proper mother. Unfortunately, however, the Big Giant Head decides to return to Earth and claim his son, but upon seeing Vicki with Eric, he falls in love with her and asks Dick to transform her hatred of him into love. Meanwhile, Harry admits that he is still in love with Vicki, but Dick tells him that he cannot have her because the Big Giant Head will punish him; whilst Tommy attempts to help Sally beat her addiction - shoes.

Dick is in a dispute with the Dubceks because Mrs. Dubcek won't fix his sink until he pays the rent, and he won't pay the rent until she fixes his sink. Eventually, Mrs. Dubcek ends up shutting off the Solomons' power, while Vicki invites Harry to move in with them. Sally has other things on her mind; after voicing to Officer Don that she is fed up with living with the other Solomons, he has proposed to her - but she doesn't know if she is ready. Meanwhile, Tommy deliberately lands himself in detention with his dream girl Alissa, so that he has a chance ask her out.

Dick and Harry fall into a large hole in the woods, which covers over when they attempt to climb out. Dick then panics, whilst Harry remains in a relaxed, zen-like state. A hole expert, named Angus 'The Hole' McDuff is called to the scene and devises a plan to build a second hole in order to access the one Dick and Harry are stuck in; however he becomes highly offended when Sally belittles his idea.

At a charity auction for the Rutherford Boys Home, Dick wants everybody to applaud him and so starts a bidding war with Studwick for a painting and ends up paying seventeen hundred dollars for it. Meanwhile, Don complains when Sally's snoring keeps him up all night, so she decides to try to stay awake all night so that he can sleep, but ends up keeping him awake anyway. Back at home, Harry and Tommy have been given the job of devising a new mission statement, and so try to work out what their purpose is on Earth.

When a meeting is rescheduled without her having been notified, Mary begins to have doubts about the longevity of her position as Dean, and Dick leads her to become paranoid that there is a conspiracy to have her removed from her job. The pair decide to investigate, and end up breaking into Judith's office by night for evidence, only to be caught by the police. Vicki Dubcek decides that the best thing Sally needs to help her get over her break up with Don is a weekend of riverboat gambling on the Cincinnati Queen, a floating casino - where Harry manages to win big, while Sally gets her lips on a Neil Diamond impersonator.

When Tommy asks Dick to direct his high school production of “Romeo and Juliet,” Dick takes the role a little too seriously. Sally tries to get Officer Don to fix Albright’s parking tickets.

Dick begins to feel that the unit is falling apart when Sally announces her plans to move out, and he tries in vain to clip her wings. That isn't the last of his problems, however, since Harry is considering having a baby with Vicki - despite the possibility that it could turn out to be an alien. Meanwhile, Tommy sees babysitting with Alissa as an opportunity to prove to a dubious Harry that she really is his girlfriend.

As 1998 comes to close, Dick worries that he hasn't accomplished anything worthwhile and struggles to do something to make the past year count. Meanwhile, Officer Don becomes annoyed with Sally after she uses her feminine wiles to persuade him to get tickets for Rutherford's exclusive Starlight Room, then changes her mind when he succeeds. At Happy Doug's bar, Harry and Tommy plan an explosive New Year's party and Harry hires on his old night school friends, Larry and Mrs. Deguzman, but they turn out to be layabouts.

Mary is horrified when she learns that Dick has been pocketing all the tip money she has left at restaurants, but Dick is baffled by the concept of tipping, and attempts to re-invent it by placing a stack of one dollar bills on the table and informing the waitress that when she pleases him, the pile will grow, and when not, it will shrink. Mary, however, informs him that this idea is demeaning. Meanwhile, Sally goes on the pill after Tommy informs her that she could become pregnant by having sex with Don, but begins to experience erratic mood swings and food cravings.

When Dick's evasive about his past, Dr. Albright suspects he's a '60s radical fugitive. Harry joins a CD-of-the-month club, and is swamped with CDs.