Sgt Rich West deals with a drunken teenage graffiti artist who has run riot through his mother's house, a man who has given himself a headache by hitting the cell door, and a regular visitor to the station whose breathalyser reading is five times over the limit.

Sgt Dave Beer comes across two regular offenders - an 11-year-old girl arrested for assault and a 12-year-old who threatened to set fire to her care worker. Officers deal with a newcomer to the custody suite who is too small to reach the desk to sign his name, and a teenager charged with burgling a pensioner, while a mother begs her son to give up alcohol for the sake of his family.

It's a round of medical emergencies and digestive dilemmas for Sgt Peter Swann, famed in Humberside Police for his everlasting appetite. The sergeant finds himself face to face with a cheese thief who steals to feed his drugs habit; a burglar who won't eat or drink because he has swallowed his loot and refuses to go through the evidential 'motions'; and the teenage boozer who wants to be a copper and is so drunk she can't keep anything down.

After running a red light with the cops in tow, a drunk and strangely-garbed student faces a career in tatters. It's a long expensive road back to Vietnam for the illegal cannabis grower who has paid a gang 6,000 euros to get him to the UK.

A copper by name and a copper by nature, stand-in sergeant Stu Constable faces a prisoner's ultimate weapon, bodily fluids, in a dirty protest at the suite. When an old soldier collapses with a suspected stroke, the sergeant has to contend with the hospital medics who send the veteran back to the Lock Up.