Burnistoun is a comedy sketch show broadcast by BBC Scotland, written by the Scottish comedians Iain Connell and Robert Florence. The show is produced by The Comedy Unit.
Burnistoun is set in a fictional Scottish town/city in the greater Glasgow area. Characters include Kelly McGlade; Burnistoun's answer to Beyoncé; Paul and Walter, the disturbingly odd brothers that run an ice cream van; Jolly Boy John, who tells the things that make him "For Real" to the accompaniment of a happy hardcore soundtrack ; McGregor and Toshan, best friends Scott and Peter and the Burnistoun Butcher, a serial killer who is unhappy with the way he is being portrayed by the media.
Connell and Florence have previously written sitcoms Empty and Legit and created characters for Chewin' the Fat and The Karen Dunbar Show.
The third series started filming in January 2012 and began its run in August 2012. It has been confirmed on the show's Facebook page that series 3 will be its last.
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Best Episodes of Burnistoun
Episode 3
S2 Ep3
8.5
18th Apr 2011
Local entrepreneur Alex Ciderson demonstrates his new invention - a pie scarer, squabbling sibling ice-cream sellers Paul and Walter celebrate their dead mother's birthday with rival birthday cakes, pub singer Ronnie Dreech delivers a literally explosive set, and a young man's chat-up routines are continually foiled as he swallows a succession of insects.
Episode 4
S2 Ep4
8.2
25th Apr 2011
Burnistoun's major toy manufacturing company tries to solve the mystery of why its latest executive toy has failed to sell, the crime-fighting Doberman Man tracks down a boy who teased him at school, paranoia sweeps the local pub and pole dancing club, and an overpriced pizza causes two friends to have a breakdown.
Episode 6
S3 Ep6
8.2
17th Sep 2012
The legend of King Arthur springs to life when a Burnistoun man pulls the magic sword Excalibur out of the pavement, two punters enjoying a lock-in at the pub find their enjoyment eerily curtailed by the arrival of the pub's ghost, and one of Burnistoun's local football teams decides to sign some good-looking foreign fans to improve the look of the terraces.
Episode 6
S2 Ep6
8.1
9th May 2011
A problem arises for Burnistoun's housing association when a resident complains about a strange presence in his house, a gullible customer at a car-boot sale pays too much for a denim jacket, a couple who met on a TV dating show seem unable to forget the experience, and ice-cream sellers Paul and Walter's efforts to sell their product on the beach in winter ends in tragedy.
Episode 2
S1 Ep2
8.1
8th Mar 2010
Burnistoun's got talent in the shape of a local singing sensation with a unique vocal style, the pioneering BBC Burnistoun takes a look at what soap operas would be like if people actually went to the toilet, and the local meat provider and the town serial killer have a disagreement over who gets to call himself the Burnistoun Butcher.
Worst Episodes of Burnistoun
Episode 1
S3 Ep1
6.6
13th Aug 2012
A trendy coffee shop that has an original way of serving a cappuccino, the proprietor of a business specialising in wooden pallets gives us his idea of a sophisticated sales pitch in a specially made TV ad, a high street boutique delivers questionable sartorial advice to a confused punter, and one of Burnistoun's youngest inhabitants escapes punishment for being late for school thanks to an inventive note from his dad.
Episode 5
S3 Ep5
6.8
10th Sep 2012
The 'quality polis' team of McGregor and Toshan attend a football match and cause the very riot they were there to prevent, pals Peter and Scott have a disagreement over what is acceptable footwear for the pub, Jolly Boy John has fun with some pet turtles in his latest home video, and two aggressive car salesmen foist a top-of-the-range motor on a reluctant passer-by.
Episode 6
S1 Ep6
7.0
5th Apr 2010
A frank exchange of views between two Burnistoun MSPs, a distinct absence of females when the best pub in Burnistoun holds a ladies' night, world-famous clothes designer Larl Kagerfeld makes imaginative use of some unlikely local accessories, and wannabe pop star Kelly McGlade is sick of sharing the limelight and fires her bandmates to go solo.
Episode 3
S3 Ep3
7.0
27th Aug 2012
Misguided entrepreneur Alex Ciderson invents a new way of packaging beer, 'quality polis' McGregor and Toshan gatecrash a party, pals Peter and Scott find they have a different approach to shaving a certain part of their anatomy, The Kilty Club's Herry McLoudery massacres another Scots song, and Jolly Boy John displays some unusual ways with pakora.
Episode 2
S3 Ep2
7.2
20th Aug 2012
The local cake shop suffers a decline in sales when a rogue cake decorator is let loose, two punters are unimpressed with the clientele in their local café, the job centre has a new line in compulsory niceness, and all is not well in Burnistoun's leafy suburbs when a resident struggles to put out the correct colour of wheelie bin.
Burnistoun Episode Guide
Episode 1
S1 Ep1
7.2
1st Mar 2010
An impassioned battle with a voice-activated lift, the amazing career trajectory of a single-issue MP, an incredible chain of events set in motion by the tossing of a two-litre bottle of ginger, Ronnie Stokes tries on the wrong pair of shoes and ends up in hospital, and psychic Sammy Strange tries to predict everything that will happen during an interview on Radio Burnistoun.
Episode 2
S1 Ep2
8.1
8th Mar 2010
Burnistoun's got talent in the shape of a local singing sensation with a unique vocal style, the pioneering BBC Burnistoun takes a look at what soap operas would be like if people actually went to the toilet, and the local meat provider and the town serial killer have a disagreement over who gets to call himself the Burnistoun Butcher.
Episode 3
S1 Ep3
7.5
15th Mar 2010
The Burnistoun hitman discovers it's not easy to assemble a weapon of choice, there's an extremely awkward question about to be asked on the top deck of a Burnistoun bus, a visit to the town's first-ever cloning warehouse, and a local photographer hopes to develop a relationship with wannabe popstar Kelly McGlade.
Episode 4
S1 Ep4
7.9
22nd Mar 2010
There is frustration for one hungry Burnistoun inhabitant hell-bent on buying rolls, hopeful popstar Kelly McGlade hones her on-stage repartee, the competition for paid employment turns nasty in Burnistoun Bob-a-Job week, and the latest police drama on BBC Burnistoun features a twist that even the coppers can see coming.
Episode 5
S1 Ep5
7.2
31st Mar 2010
Burnistoun's most persistent market researcher literally takes a lifetime to get some answers, wannabe girl band member Kelly McGlade takes her story to the Burnistoun Herald, the Burnistoun boozer is buzzing with tall tales of local gangsters, and the police demonstrate a foolproof interview technique which works purely by rearranging the furniture.
Episode 6
S1 Ep6
7.0
5th Apr 2010
A frank exchange of views between two Burnistoun MSPs, a distinct absence of females when the best pub in Burnistoun holds a ladies' night, world-famous clothes designer Larl Kagerfeld makes imaginative use of some unlikely local accessories, and wannabe pop star Kelly McGlade is sick of sharing the limelight and fires her bandmates to go solo.
