Bernard visits a petrol station with Britains first topless garage attendant; confronts his boss over tax avoidance; has problems finding change for a parking meter; sings a song about his daily dates; encounters the Great Mysto the Hypnotist; has problems winding in a kite; visits an antique shop to return a faulty lamp; reports a lost truck (attached to an elephant) to British Rail's lost property office and has a unique way to deter life insurance salesmen.

Highlights include a passenger who attempts to land an aeroplane; Bernard sings the song My Mate Bert; strange table service in a restaurant; a customer has problems with his bank manger; an odd encounter for the Grenadier Guards and a Duke is disturbed in his private bedroom.

Bernard has problems at the supermarket; encounters a problem with graffiti; attempts to be a Birdman; sings the song National Hate Day; makes an appeal for the church restoration fund; leads an end of the world cult and the women of the WI have come to an important decision.